Online dating

3

I asked a cab for directions.

It sounds like nothing but I could barely do it. It's just that i intruded into his life to find how to get home which I should know. I'm an idiot who can't do anything right. I'm a burden.

I managed to get to my bathroom though. I found the peacekeeper.

It looks so shiny and I don't even think before letting it tear through my skin. My stomach, thighs and wrists are covered in scars and blood.

I can't be bothered to move, I just stare. The scars are beautiful. I deserved every last one. I am tired of feeling numb. My job; numb. My home; numb. My friends; numb. It's all I feel.

My laptop lights up. I've been matched and I guess I'm going tomorrow. This is too soon but I've been making plans to die forever so I guess I don't know what time is meant for.

I lock myself in the bathroom and cut till it's red on my hips and thighs. I wrap up my legs and pull on sweatpants and a big shirt to avoid the feeling I get when I look in a mirror.

I rush to my laptop, another escape. I have a date. What? Oh yeah it's randomly chosen by an algorithm. Well I don't want to stand anybody up.

The screen reads "Look who has a date! Show up to the Sun Shop Cafe (on Wekiva Lane) this Friday at 6:45 wearing a green hat, an animal sweater and a rose, your date will be wearing a blue jacket/vest!"

The other person has much more freedom with their outfit, but I'm not a fashion person so whatevs.

-- 3 days later--

I got here 30 minutes early. Oops, but it's okay I'm friends with the people who work here and I frequently occupy a day bed under a window in the corner drawing and writing.

I guess I can work on my drawing of a rose. I was going to just give the person the drawing but my anxiety won that fight. I'm still going to finish this drawing. It's like when I write and want to finish. I wish I could right for a living.

"Hey Derek, how many for today." Annie, the cafe owner, asks thinking she knows the answer.

"Table for two."