Outside Maame

Part 5

I smile and run back home. It is a long time since my house felt like home. I have Saar to thank for it. Life feels better. I feel so relieved after so many years. I know much changes in the last years but everything gets worse before it gets better. I will not say I am completely blameless. I think I defended myself for too long. It is high time that we accept each other for who we truly are. I smile when I think about my life when my mother was not ill.

Laadan will stay with us for as long as he needs. At first it was very intolerable for me. Firstly, it is still very hard for me to accept that my own mother and stepmother live in the same house. Secondly, Laadan is my stepmother's half-brother. Nowadays he is sexually involved with my brother. The whole thing is so messed up. But I think I am slightly grateful. He came to my life in such a time when I kind of needed him. Laadan can stay. I can tolerate him.

Saar will move out of this house. My father asks him to do so. My father is okay with me dating Saar but that will not happen if we are in the same house. We are still teenagers and our hormones are always in a rush. But last night was not anything like my father thinks it to be. We just slept. JUST SLEPT. Now that Saar will move out, I wish we did something worthy of this separation. Good thing he will not move that far. But I do not want him to move.

Ha and I sort things out. I think that is what twins are supposed to do. I judged her for a long time and now I think it is right that I stop. Now that I think about it, Ha hardly ever did anything to harm me. Maybe I am just jealous of her. Anyways, it takes a weight off my chest when we finally sort out everything. We even hugged each other an hour ago and it feels good. God, it feels better than when Saar hugged me a few minutes ago. We should have sorted out things a long time ago.

It feels somethinglike this. Maame was a box. I lived inside it. That box had only one holethrough which I could see the world. So it did not give me much perspective. Icould never see the whole picture. As I could not see much, my thoughtsrevolved around the only things I could see. Then Saar came and took me out ofthat box. When I can finally see the whole view and the entire sky, I see justhow wrong I was. Life is better outside Maame.