Whimsical Perfection

35. Tension

"Do you not know I am a woman?
When I think, I must speak."
        —Rosalind, As You Like It

~♤ ▪︎ ♤ ▪︎ ♤~

This was awkward. My hands were sweaty all of a sudden, and my breathing quickened, and not from excitement. Why did I feel this way? Why couldn't I think of him as just another one night stand? For fucks sake, I couldn't even remember the name of the last person I slept with, and even that didn't make me this anxious or remorseful.

What is with this man and how he makes me feel? Or is the fault all mine, for being indisputably attracted to him?

Taking in a deep breath, I prepared myself for the impending tempest, but treaded carefully regardless.

"I know nothing about this, about what we did holds any meaning, but I still wanted to clear a few things out." I said simply, while he listened silently.

Turning around, he poured both of us a cup of dark, intense espresso, and slid the mug over to me. Sitting down, he took a sip, and then looked at me.

"Tell me. I'm all ears."

I sat down from across him, taking a sip out of my mug. The coffee was delicious, it almost made me want to stay here longer. Shaking my head discreetly, I scolded myself internally before speaking the words that had been tormenting me all morning, running around in my head with increasing intensity.

"This morning, I woke up earlier, and couldn't fall asleep. It was then, that the increasing risk of what we did caught onto me. To put my thoughts briefly, and quite frankly, what we did last night was the most reckless, immature, and moronic thing we could have done. And I'm not putting all the blame on you, I was just as involved. Still, nothing can reduce the stupidity of our actions, thus, I came up with an optimal solution. If you're ready for it, that is."

While I spewed out all that was on my mind, he listened to me intently, and with a completely blank face. His poker face made me wonder if he was even listening to me, but even if he wasn't moving or showing any emotion overtly, I could still catch onto the veiled signs on his face.

The slight working of his jaw already spoke volumes about his displeasure than his words ever could, but his overall expression remained calm and stoic, as always. He was such a pain in the ass, and he was probably aware of it, but didn't bother to change himself anyway.

A long silence followed my words, which made me more anxious about his reply. After a while, he broke the intense eye contact, and spoke in the most sardonic tone I'd ever heard. "So, my opinion will be taken into consideration? Is that really an option?"

Bemused, I asked him, "What are you talking about?"

"You said you would propose a way to deal with the disaster we had caused, but didn't force me to follow it. That's new, but go on." He elaborated, which shouldn't have come as a surprise for me, since he was still the same man as he was before yesterday – sex or not.

I breathed in deeply, again, not wanting to already lose my cool. At this rate, we would never be able to get to the main point.

"Yes, this is why I'm having this conversation with you. My solution for this is, that we forget all about yesterday night, and go back to being colleagues. Which means not only will this be a one time thing, but also, it shouldn't be revealed to anyone or any other actions that could lead to suspicion must be avoided. By both of us."

I added the last part for emphasis on my point, before he could accuse me of being a hypocrite among all things. I really wish we could have someone here to play music. Some cool rock tones would suit the vibe of a lazy Saturday morning like no other. Although, I wasn't sure how Isaac's neighbors would take it, but it would be a blessing for me to fill in those awkward silences with something I can focus on, instead of feeling like a fool whenever I open my mouth in front of this man.

"Alright. I agree. Let's deal with it like adults, and treat it as a one time thing." He suddenly said, which poleaxed me.

I couldn't understand how he had agreed to me without putting up a fight, and most of all, I couldn't digest the fact that he hadn't even tried to rebel. Was it because he understood the implications of our relationship too? Thrown off guard completely, I couldn't care to change my expressions in front of him, which made him speak up again, in that deliciously deep morning voice of his, while his eyes were trained solely on me.

Stop it Scar. He's a one time thing.

"Why? Did you think I was immature enough to opposed everything you came up with? Just for the sake of fighting with you?" He asked, his voice icy, hitting me with ice shards with every word he spoke.

Promptly, I shook my head. "No, but it's still fascinating to know that you do see eye to eye with me on something."  And I'm not going to challenge it, because for once, it feels good to know you can see higher than your stupid ego.

I obviously wanted to say all of that to him, but decided otherwise, and quietly sipped on the remainder of my coffee, which had become cold by now. Then, wearing my last night's clothes again, this time, I left, this time, with his permission.

Even though my heart wanted to stay a little longer and explore him, even though I yearned to touch him again, and feel the hardness of his muscles against my soft skin. But I clamped down on those feelings. They were anyways feelings of lust, which could be ignited anywhere, with any other man.

Except, my last thought was completely wrong. I hadn't realized that this wasn't just lust, and that I could never land another man like him. Ever.

~♤ ▪︎ ♤ ▪︎ ♤~