Whimsical Perfection

11. Black

"Stars, hide your fires,
Let not light see my black and deep desires."
                  —Macbeth, Macbeth

~♤ ▪︎ ♤ ▪︎ ♤~

The weather today was unexpectedly strange. It was sunny, yet it was raining, making it a paradoxical combination. But somehow, it was pretty peaceful, and after the hectic day I just had,  it was just what I needed.

Of course, the extreme proximity of a certain someone didn't fucking help. I couldn't help but be furious with myself and my puerile behavior. It was like an instinct, to get turned on by the littlest of the things he did. Like, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt while he got ready to do something, or raise an eyebrow when he got ready to throw a jab at me.

It was truly pathetic, seeing that I shouldn't be having the hots for a man who doesn't know how to respect women, but I couldn't help but check him out whenever we saw each other. I couldn't help but catch a certain gleam in his eyes too, which mirrored mine a little too much. It seemed like he too, viewed me in that light sometimes, which shouldn't be too much of a problem for me, but as usual, I made every simple thing intricate.

"So, it might be surprising for you to hear, but I actually really enjoyed our first rehearsal together. I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised to see you in action." He offered me a back handed compliment as we took to the footpath, walking slow to pass more time.

I narrowed my eyes at him again, and wanting to end whatever this was, I blurted out my next words. "You know, you don't have to be so guarded around me because of Aaliyah. Don't try to act nice around me just because someone told you to do it. If you can't mean it, don't do it."

Mild surprise crossed his features, before a smile settled on. "So, you noticed?"

Was he fucking serious right now?

"You have been at my throat every time we see each other, literally, and then you act like this and expect me to take this as your normal behavior? You really know what you're saying, right?"

"About that night.... I actually wanted to have a little chat with you, if you have the time?" He asked me, making my eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Didn't you just say that you would leave me till my car? Which, by the way, is parked right here. So please, let me go now." I told him curtly, not being able to belive that he now wanted to talk some more.

Just where the fuck did he tuck away that attitude?

"I know I did, but I really did want to talk to you about it. But since you refuse to give me any more of your time, I will just say it here. That night, I was angry with you because you had insulted me deeply in front of my cousin and best friend, a little too angry though. And I know it doesn't justify what I did to you, but trust me, it wasn't my intention to get so... physical with you that night. It was just in the heat of the moment. I do not know if you will be able to forgive me, but I wanted to clarify this and sincerely apologize for my actions."

His words had no impact on me, and I could see very clearly that he wasn't genuine. And even though I had thought I too, could keep up this facade for some more time, I really couldn't. It would kill me to meet him everyday and give him a fake smile and accept one in return. This was not how I dealt with people in my life, and he wouldn't be any different.

"You really want me to believe in that trash? In these insincere sentences, and forgive you? I'm sorry to say, but I don't believe you one bit. And I will say this once again, you don't have to be good to me under pressure, it makes me uncomfortable. So cut the crap and do whatever the hell you were doing before. I won't complain."

I could see that his temper had risen a tad bit, which was a good sign. The more I rile him up, the sooner he would drop this stupid act. I was going to say some more, but he intervened harshly.

"Why can't you just listen to me and be amiable with me? At least, do it for the sake of working together! Why do you have to be so damn difficult every single time? Why are you hell bent on thinking that I'm a bad person and that I can't change? Why?"

"I personally might have not known you for a long time, but I have definitely heard some.... stories. And I know that you're just an arrogant, hot-headed man who thinks he's got the world just because he's a talented actor, and loves to keep people under his control. Sadly, I won't succumb to your wishes either way, so you will have to stop playing all these tactics with me. You're not a fucking child to be influenced by your sister so easily, so drop the fucking act and act like you always do. That, will be better for the both of us."

As I said this, he was quiet for a few excruciating moments. His jaw was set tightly, to the point I thought it would break, and the tension in the air around us was far more intense and asphyxiating. Topped by the fact that he was glaring straight into my soul with an expression which told me he found me ludicrous was not helping me at all.

Pedestrians passed us by, as the rain continued to fall over the umbrella we were standing in, it's soft sound being the only interruption to the dead silence around us. I waited for his reply, very impatiently, and was about to walk away when he spoke again, with a voice like a whisper, as if he was getting weaker by the second.

"Do you really believe those nasty rumors?"

I was alarmed by the softness in his voice, but then all those times he had been a douche to me, came to mind, and I hardened again. Nobody would have a reason to say and do such things to a complete stranger.

And so, I told him emphatically, "I didn't believe the rumors, I believed the man I saw in front of me. You didn't really do something to ease my worries about you, did you now? I came to know that this is the kind of person you are, and you won't be able to change my mindset so soon. Be mindful of that."

I knew that I might have put a huge wedge in between us, and that it would play a major role in pulling us apart. But, despite my initial physical attraction to him, I knew he was just the kind of person I should stay away from. So, without giving it a second thought, I walked out of there quietly, sat in my car and drove away.

While he was watching me.

~♤ ▪︎ ♤ ▪︎ ♤~