Alone In Madness

𝚂𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳

Another school day spent at home - or rather, what was left of it - had him feeling numb. Music that played from a small radio was only background noise to his fuzzy mind, any attempt he made to interpret the lyrics made his head throb. At least the distant voices kept him company, his consciousness now merely an indistinct blur.

Slumped carelessly against the kitchen counter, he clutched a near-empty 'Jack Daniels' bottle in his left hand. His right hand was busy scrolling through his phone, an app he didn't care for displayed on the screen. Days like this occurred frequently as if his body was stuck to a schedule. Go to school one day out of five, regret it, feel like shit for the next two days, let it get too much on the fourth day, and drink the sorrows away on the fifth. He was slowly killing himself, alcohol that couldn't be - that wasn't - good for him, being consumed in dangerous amounts. Admittedly though, it was an escape route, a place to turn to when life got too much. When the insults and punches hurt a little more than usual, or when he would get sick of the constant tears.

His jaw was slack and eyes glossy, as he downed the remainder of the self-sabotaging poison. The burn that the alcohol used to leave was far gone by now, along with any trace of sobriety. Barely in focus, he looked down to his swaying phone screen, the seemingly too-bright light causing him to wince, headache throbbing. A notification pinged, not that he could take any notice, he was too far away to care.

What did get his attention, however, was a phone call. He didn't get phone calls. But yet, he wouldn't have been surprised if his number had leaked somehow, his phone had been stolen that many times.

"Mmm- 'ello?" Words tumbled through his mind. All at once, then not at all.

"Kill yourself," Laughs shot through his ear, the mocking sounds were seemingly close to making his ears bleed. But the words couldn't reach him. He wasn't at school, he was in his safe space. How had it gotten into his safe space?

"Don't bother showing up here ever again. We know where you live." Somehow, a recognisable feeling of panic made its way into his chest, a numb pain following. How do they know where he lives? How could they?

"Join your parents, you're better off dead anyway." What a tempting suggestion, although it didn't feel like just a suggestion. More of an order, the harsh voice causing another round of thoughts to rush to his mind. His mind was supposed to be empty. Not anymore. How have they done this?

"T-the alc'hol made it go..." He stammered in an almost fear-like state. His words weren't making sense to anyone, not even himself. Tears he thought were impossible forced their way from his eyes, almost immediately spilling down his cheeks. Blindly, he managed to hang up, desperately stopping the words he could no longer take.

All he wanted was quiet again. From his buzzing mind. From his intrusive thoughts. From the outside world that always managed to force its way in.

For the first time in his life, he got what he wanted. Everything stopped. His vision faded to black, and his heart rate slowed. For the first time that day, he could focus on the music that was once just background noise.

The music was the last sound Simon Minter heard, and he was okay with it.