Writing Project

Nov. 7th

I remember when I was younger. I remember how my parents, well how everyone looked at me. I was so cute, dirty blonde hair with natural loose curls, and a smile that no one could look at and still feel sad. I would wear dresses and be trapped in my worlds. As I got older, my hair got darker, my curls disappeared and my smile faded. I came to realize the real world. Now my parents look at me like I'm a disappointment, a monster, a monstrosity. They look at my scares like dirt, something to shame me for, just something that needs to be covered up.

I want to be looked at like they looked at me before, with hope and love. I know it won't happen as long as I challenge there old 1990 standers. So I could choose to fake it even more, and leave everything I've figured out about the world or I continue to be looked at as worthless to them.

My boyfriend says that I shouldn't be a shamed of myself for hurting but everyone else looks at me disgusted. I just wish I could have grown up to be like all of my relatives. All the ones at my age are beautiful, smart, successful, and loved. They all have their biological parents, or at least one of them. They're all driving and planning for college.

I'm a sophomore living with my adoptive abusive grandparents who can never stop yelling. I'm in therapy on pills, questioning my sexuality, and gender. I don't know anything about my future plans other than wanting to move away. I wish I was like them. Maybe then someone would want to care for me.

I hope someone understands but I also desperately don't want someone to be going through something like this.