A Christmas Carol

The Spirit of Christmas Past

"once the clock stricks one the first spirit will rock your knockers".

The room was dark and only the soft sound of breathing could be heard behind the curtains that lined the grand bed. Suddenly the bed side candle would light some how illuminate the entire room exposing the countless umbrella academy posters that were dripping with saliva.

"The fuck!?" Sammy Scrouge would scurry awake hacking as she sat up to see a bright light was coming from outside the bed curtain. "Am I finally dead? Well isn't this a welcome surprise :D" Sammy scrouge would pull open the curtain with a huge maggoty grin. His smile would drop however seeing it was just the candle on the bedside table. How tf is it so bright? Sammy scrouge made sure she couldn't smell burnt toast.

All of a sudden the light from the candle would move from the wick to float in the middle of the room. The fire would form into a little girl with short hair and a long night gown. Now Sammy Scrouge knew she was fucked in the brain. Wait didn't...liana Marley say something about a spirit?? Well Sammy Scrouge did feel her knockers being rocked.

"The fuck you want tiny titty toddler?" Sammy scrouge would ask as he got up out of bed to give the spirit a proper showing of her toes. "I am Belle the Ghost of Christmas past, specifically your past Sammy Scrouge" the spirit would say flipping off the now stunned Sammy Scrouge. With his pants now soiled Sammy Scrouge would reply "Why are you here? Is this my Disney princess moment? Where's the hot bimbo that takes me into the sunset?" Sammy Scrouge would look around the room to not avail.

"Listen you pompous flat assed stuck up head banger I am not no spirit to be joked with. Come. It is time for you to see why you're such a bitch" the spirit would fly over to the window opening with with a wave of her hand. "On a different day I would jump out the window if I so pleased but this is getting a little how do you say uhhh weird af" Sammy Scrouge would say putting on her heavily spiked jacket with the words "dootie bootie" on the back.

"Well you won't fall you pussy just hold onto my ass" The spirit would step onto the window ledge thrusting out her ass for Sammy Scrouge to grab hold of. "I am concerned no fuckin way I'm doing that" He would go back into his bed and cover his head with the blanket. "I'll give you a signed original copy of that one gay demon and angel story you always rave about" the spirit would say shaking her ass tauntingly. Sammy Scrouge would open the curtains aggressively "You son of a bitch I'm in".

Sammy Scrouge would grab tightly to that ass and they were off. Flying over the town watching the streetlights Flicker and the homeless people cry icicles filled Sammy Scrouge with wonderment "I never knew how...beautiful this town was." He would shiver as the breeze picked up. "I would hold on tight" the spirit would say "wait wha-AHH" the spirit would zoom off. Sammy scrouge would clutch onto that ass for dear life as the world around him would blur out of sight bringing in the day then night and then day again until they stopped.

They were there. Sammy Scrouges old village where she grew up. Ol' deltonea was a small but cheerful place full of Christmas cheer...except for one place. "That's my..my old school" Sammy Scrouge would un grip the spirits perfect ass as he ran to the gray building reading the sign that read "Astronomer Middle". Sammy Scrouge would go up to a window and  rub the window with her cheeto puff stained sleeve and looked inside to see a few children and one sitting at one of the desks.

"Thats...me! Before I found out my love for big bonkers." Sammy Scrouge would say stunned. "Before you were a girlboss" the spirit would say flying through the wall gesturing Sammy Scrouge did the same. Sammy Scrouge could now hear the children speaking to his younger self. "Come of Sammy! Were going to go harass old man Jenkins!" One would say pulling on the younger Sammy Scrouges arm trying to encourage her to stand. "You know I'm allergic to fun you nut sucker! Now leave before your presence gives me a hernia in my ass" The younger Sammy Scrouge would screech like a half dead parakeet.

The children would sigh and leave the non emo Sammy Scrouge to his work aka fanfiction writing. "You were raised that studies came first. You're not really allergic to fun are you Sammy Scrouge." The spirit would say twirking back outside gesturing Sammy Scrouge follow. Sammy Scrouge would phase through the wall once again to find herself in the middle of a lit tavern that was lowkey highkey lit af. She could see all of her old friends dancing amongst the twinkling lights and the band.

"Look there's fezziwig! I used to bang him every thursday" Sammy Scrouge would look back on the fond memory "and there's me and Liana Marley when we were only lads!" Sammy Scrouge would look at Liana Marleys rack "huh I guess they were always that voluptuous." Then Sammy scrouge would look away to see. Her. Stephane a short black haired girl with the most exquisite Boston accent. "Oh spirit please take me back.." Sammy Scrouge would say as she watched her younger and mildly emo self catch the gaze of the loud ass woman.

"I'd like you to meet Stephanie tsomp" Fezziwig would say introducing the two. The younger Sammy Scrouge would blush as Stephanie began talking about how she used to know a guy who performed in the famous play "Twilight". Sammy Scrouge would feel his heart thump thump thump as he watched his younger self try not to strangle the woman as they danced. "Stephanie..." Sammy Scrouge would say sorrowful as the scene faded and a new darker but familiar place would fall into her view. They were now in her office where she worked presently. He could see a slightly younger him at the desk counting away at her shillings. "No...spirit please show me no more.." Sammy Scrouge would beg as the door bell would ring as a woman stepped inside.

"Sammy..have you made your decision? I've found the most beautiful venue where we can discuss odyssey of the mind." Stephanie would say as Sammy Scrouge continued counting his shillings. "At one time you wished to marry me. Where is that Sammy Scrouge I love?" Sammy Scrouge would stop counting her shillings and look up to the dreadfully crusty musty and ofcourse dusty woman. "You are late with your payments. You are evicted from the streets you whore" Sammy Scrouge would shout. Stephanie would be taken a back before tearing up "Well good bye Sammy" Stephanie would leave slamming the door causing the stacked shillings to fall onto the desk and floor.

The present Sammy Scrouge could feel herself shaking "please spirit no more" He would fall to the floor crying "no more please." Sammy scrouge would continuesly continue her wails and non sexy sniffles as the scene faded into black. Ass face up Sammy Scrouge would feel under her and realize he was back in his bed room again. The sheets were still greasy and it was pitch black. "Bitch didn't even give me the signed copy >:(" Sammy Scrouge would sniffle as he got back under the covers. "Let's pray I'm dead before some other ghost thing shows up" Sammy Scrouge would close her now still clumpy but now runny eyes.