He's Worth It ~ Lams (COMPLETE)

Day Eight

AH crying rn

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I fucking did it.

The first thing I do when I wake up is re-download Spotify. I put in my debit card number and start with my three month free trial. I play a Spotify-generated happy playlist and Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammar comes through the speakers. I jump around and dance and sing with my awful singing voice, but quietly so that I don't wake people up at 6 in the morning. There was no alarm to wake me up, but I kinda just woke up on my own this early. My body must've been excited to get my music back again.

Once a few songs are over I pause the music on my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get my hair presentable. Lafayette comes in at some point and bops his head along to the music I'm playing from my phone; he doesn't comment about how yesterday was the last day or anything, which I am glad about.

I've made a few executive decisions about the whole music thing.

Music helps with my focus in class, so I'll keep one earbud in while I work. But after, I have to try and shut it off. There's no point in listening to music while trying to be engaged positively in other people's lives. I want to be there for my friends, and I want to hang out with them outside of school because I used to do absolutely nothing after two thirty pm on weekdays.

Now, I know there's going to be days where I fall apart and completely immersing myself in the music might be necessary, it's inevitable and it really sucks that I still have those days. Hopefully that now I've created some kind of balance between my two worlds that these kinds of days will be numbered.

I take a deep breath and glance at the earbuds that have sat untouched on my dresser since last Tuesday.

This whole week has been a roller coaster. Up, down, sideways, freaking loop-de-loops. It's scary, going back to what I assumed was normal. Now, I can hear the morning birds singing their song. I can hear the connections between the rustling of the branches and the overlapping of melodies between the birds and the trees. It's a song that's been playing for centuries, and I've only just now even realized it existed.

I guess there's a lot I don't know about. I have to go out and find it.

I did it all for myself.

It's like that feeling I got when Hercules was explaining all of the things I miss out on, in classic Hercules fashion. The phoenix, rising out of its own ashes. I'm not going to push it away anymore. I have no reason to seclude myself from the world, because I'm not scared anymore. I have no reason to be, because I have my family and my friends and John and they've helped me more than they could ever know.

I shove my earbuds in my sweatshirt pocket and smile at the realization of what's happening today.

The music isn't going to control me anymore.

I'm taking the wheel.

~538 words~