You stand beside the table looking at the floor, numb. Seemingly peaceful, without the slightest expression on your face, you keep staring at the wooden planks under your feet, just breathing.
It is almost ironic, your behavior. Deep down, you always knew that this day was going to come, at some point. You had even pictured it, more than a few times in your head.
There were these times that you were just a desperate, crying mess, unable to breath between the sobs. Some others, you were angry, at the thing that got him or even your dad himself. There were even some times that you would become determined, deadly, thirsty for revenge.
None of these scenarios turned out to be true. You just sit there, face blank feeling nothing but emptiness.
"Hey kid, someone's here to see you" Bobby says behind you, voice distant and blurred.
"I want to be alone" you mumble knowing that it's probably Eric, coming here to check you up.
"Too bad, cause I just travelled 350 miles to see you, and I'm not leaving before I can do that." You hear another voice, making you snap out of the lethargy that you've been into for the past three days.
"Dean" you state without turning just yet.
You hear Bobby's steps getting further and further away before you feel your best friend's gentle palm on your back. He then kneels beside you in the floor, taking a minute to get comfortable before he rest his arm around your shoulder, gently embracing you, pulling you closer to him.
"I'm so sorry baby" he whispers kissing your temple.
This is it. You do not know exactly if it is what he says or just his voice in your ear, but it is that exact moment that you break. It is like you open a door and all the pain, all the desperation, the sadness, the sorrow, that have been inside you, deeply buried the last days, just get set free.
You turn towards him, burying your face in his neck, as violent sobs shake your whole body. Your breath gets unsteady, to the point you feel yourself suffocating, but you just cannot stop yourself.
It is almost redeeming, finally releasing this heavy darkness that has been built up around your heart ever since you found out that your father passed away.
"H-he's dead Dean. He's dead. Dad is dead" you stutter between sobs clenching your fists around his shirt, pulling him even closer, his whole presence making you feel slightly less alone. You feel his arms wrapping tighter around you.
"I know, I know" he mutters, grimacing to himself, feeling your pain spreading inside him too.
"It's unfair. It's so unfair, after mom, now dad too, I-" your voice dies out as you start cry even harder.
"I know baby, I'm so sorry" he repeats himself, not knowing what else to say.
It doesn't matter anyway. It is not his words that you need, right now. Just his arms around you, his hands running soothing circles against your back and his low, gentle voice inside your ear, reminding you that he's here.
You stay like that for a long time, both unable to say how much exactly. When you start calming down, your heavy sobs turning to sporadic sniffles, he takes your hand and leads you to your bed. He lays down and opens his arms for you to join him, laying on his chest.
"I don't understand, Dean. He is-" you take a big breath. "Was" you correct yourself and your voice brakes.
You need some time to be able to continue, Dean waiting patiently for you to find the strength.
