Dirt Poor

ONE - In My Mind

There are so many things that alter someone's life when they live in poverty. Sure, there is the substantial issue with never having any money, but what is often overlooked are the minute luxuries that we are never afforded. When you live in poverty, you cannot be picky when it comes to the foods you like or dislike. We aren't able to weigh options in every aspect of our life, but always go with the cheapest option - and that's only if we can afford whatever it is in the first place.

Being poor, like super dirt poor, is only being able to get groceries at certain times depending on the food shelf you were getting it from. Living in a smaller town on the brink of a suburb still posed transportation issues. Trying to bring colder groceries home in the summer is near impossible as it would spoil by the time we returned home. 

However, the winter itself had its obstacles too; waiting for the bus in subzero temperatures with inadequate cold weather clothing was just as bad. And then there was the reliance on said public transportation to hopefully make it to the church food shelf in time. Bethlehem Church, the place I had become known at every Wednesday and Sunday from 10 in the morning until 4 in the afternoon. Those were the only times for me to be able to pick up groceries; I always tried my hardest to get the most on Sundays since it was difficult to make it there in time on a school day. School wasn't released until 2:30 which didn't always allow me to make it before they closed.  

Being poor is fighting all of the stereotypes, whether they're true or not, on a daily basis. What they don't say about poverty is how hardworking we are and can still be even though we are poor. It's not as easy as "get another job" and whether that's in regards to a higher paying job or an additional job doesn't matter because there are still barriers preventing us from doing so. It's the generational conditioning that many families have gone through to have an apathetic attitude towards anything that could possibly get us out of this place. We have jobs, we have school, but hundreds of people, who are poor, have had to drop out of school to get a job to help the family or care for other family members. 

What they don't say about poverty is how we find whatever else we can to cope with the cards we have been dealt. When we are cold or the hunger pains are essentially eating away at us, people find warmth in alcohol or drugs. It's within poverty that we find our vices, yet those same vices are the only things to keep us company, to give us some semblance of happiness or contentment. How can we tell poor people not to pull from a whiskey bottle when it's the only thing that keeps them warm at night or satiates hunger? 

There is such a common misperception of what living in poverty is really like. We don't want to live like this, but we don't always have any other choice. And, because of this misconception, the judgment and looks we are subjected to tears us down and chisels away at any kind of pride and self-esteem we have. 

Being poor has essentially taught us that we don't deserve to have the life necessities that everyone else has. Anytime we have anything, we have to stretch it to make it last. It's using the bare minimum of shampoo only once a week to wash our hair, it's scrubbing down in the shower as quickly as possible to conserve water, it's not flushing the toilet or using the heat. Air conditioning in the summer is nonexistent in impoverished communities. Going to the doctor? Only if we are an inch from dying; no it's superglue for stitches, a splash of vodka to clean wounds, it's wadding up toilet paper from public toilets instead of tampons or pads. Hell, it's taking the extra toilet paper rolls from public toilets - always go to a public space with a backpack just in case.

It's perfecting the act of slowly shopping around the store just to get out of the cold, or the heat, without getting in trouble for loitering. It's always looking for the damaged items that have been discounted or damaging them ourselves out of desperation for the item.