Love Bites Your Head Off

Written and created by "Afval Plaats" Aguilera

Once upon a time, in the dense and deadly woods, a male mantis named "Mel" traversed the forest floor for food. He was scrawny, wore a green, buttoned up suit, and possessed a quintette of shiny, yellow eyes, like ambers. Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted a small, red, spotted victim. "A ladybug," he suspected. He slowly prowled towards his prey, and the second he noticed the thing twitch, he immediately sprinted into the nearest bunch of leaves and made his best impression of a statue.

He waited, motionless, and began to hear a strange noise. It sounded a bit like crunching or squelching, like someone was chewing. He slowly popped out of his leafy hiding place and saw several long, skinny, green legs. He flinched back into the brush and shivered, struggling to keep still in his fright. He immediately slapped himself out of it and hopped out of the leaves, confronting whoever stood on the green, skinny legs before him. He looked up and saw the face of the entity, his bulgy eyes staring, terrified.

The one gallivanting about with the long legs was right above him, her eyes staring down with hunger, and her jagged, razor-like arms shining in the sunlight as they held half a ladybug corpse. It was Martha, the largest mantis maiden in the wood. With a horrifying height of 9.4 centimeters tall, Martha was the most terrifying maiden any male could ever meet!

She hungrily stared at helpless, little Mel, the juicy innards of her recent victim drooling off her mouth. Tall, pretty, scary, and wearing a fluffy coat of harvested moth fluff. While not as scary to you or I, any male mantis would either be aroused or terrified to meet a lady like Martha. Her skin was a lovely color of teal, while the fluffy coat she wore was a pale yellow, stained with the blood of her prey.

Mel stood absolutely still, only twitching ever so slightly to gulp his fear. Martha tore another chunk from the ladybug corpse and chewed right in front of Mel, the sight of her fangs drenched with yellow blood sending chills all throughout his exoskeletal body! She smiled, her fangs filthy, and swallowed. "She leaned down, her antennae wiggling. She was missing one of them, like it was torn off.

Once again, Martha took a bite from the ladybug and belched. "Excuse me," she squeaked, staring at Mel. Mel finally realized that Martha could see him, and he bounded away, his eyes darting around for a place to hide! He looked back and saw Martha, still standing there, still staring at him, but she suddenly dropped the late ladybug. Mel spotted a tree enraptured in long and lumpy vines! "Sanctuary," he thought jovially!

He hopped up the vines and made a break for the branches high above, his wings beating the air frantically! He couldn't fly for long, so he quickly dug his sharp forelegs into a vine and kept on, climbing along it like a long, winding, spiral staircase. Safety, sanctuary, and assurance at last. He looked far below and saw no sign of Martha. Perhaps she lost interest. Hours later, the Moon had switched shifts with the Sun, and the tree glowed with the butts of fireflies.

Mel wandered among the many branches and leaves, carrying with him a pair of vanquished lightning bugs, their blinking, green lights now nothing but sparks and bleeding abdomens. They tasted terrible, and the blood made his stomach ache, but food is food. As he walked, he tore into the bitter flesh of the fireflies. "Disgusting, but filling," he mumbled.

He looked around for a good place for him to eat and relax. It was dark, and any fireflies who spotted him fluttered off and turned off their lights. WIth the lights disappearing, he was beginning to grow more and more frustrated with the illuminating insects. Perhaps they were frightened they'd end up like the two bleeding blokes in his grasp, which was entirely possible.

He found a small hole in the tree that was filled with an empty nest filled with down feathers and broken shells. He climbed inside and set his slain prey on the bed of twigs and feathers. "Perfect," he said, "I'll rest here for the night." He lied down on the bunches of sticks, his prey sitting beside him, then he put his head down and dreamed. An hour into his slumber, he saw a mouth lined with long, sharp, green fangs and small, drooling mandibles surrounding the lips!