Just a thought

Arcana Tales (Julian) 1: Nightmares and comfort

**I don't own any of the main characters they belong to Nix Hydra!**

TW: Talk of death/dying

A few things greeted me when I woke up, the early morning light filtering through the windows, the sound of cookware clattering through the curtain that separated Julian's room from the rest of Mazelinka's home, but most importantly hands clutching my shirt and a faint muttering in my ear.

"No-no, MC, wait!" Julian yelped, his grip around me tightening. He made a few more exclamations before gasping and lurching forward. I turned and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to meet his eyes. His gaze was frantic as it met mine, and his arms pulled me back into his death grip.

"Oh, you're okay, you're here." He began to reassure himself, though his grip persisted. 

"Of course. I'm fine, it was just a bad dream," I wiped some hair away from his eyes, bringing my hand to cup his cheek, he leaned into it closing his eyes. He took some deep breaths and started to ease up. He let out one last breath and opened his eyes. Pulling me against his chest, he laid back down, and I adjusted so I was curled into his side with my nose gently running along where his neck and shoulder met. He began running a hand through my hair, the other drawing lazy patterns on the skin of my hip. We laid like this for a few minutes, letting him calm down before I pried.

"I assume you want to know?" He didn't move, just asked.

"Only when you can talk about it." I turned my head and grabbed the hand at my hip, lining my fingers with his. He let out a short chuckle and interlaced the fingers, bringing the back of my hand to his lips and giving it a quick kiss. 

"You were sick. The plague, we were in the dungeon and Valdemar had locked me in that damn office. They had you shackled to the wall for everyone to watch as you deteriorated. They kept preforming tests, but not to help and I could only watch as they made you an experiment." His breathing started getting ragged again, and I moved closer, letting him feel that I was there. "  You kept calling out to me and I couldn't- the door was so strong- I can almost feel the pain in my shoulder from how much I rammed into it.  When the door was finally opened it was too late. Valdemar only let me out so that I could watch the light drain from your eyes. You blamed me, told me it was my fault for not keeping you safe- for not thinking- that I had failed you again."

"Julian you didn't fail me the firs-" "Yes I did, I let you into my clinic, I was so concerned with the plague that I let one of the only people I care about die, and I didn't even know!" He pushed me away and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He put his face in his hands, elbows on his knees. "You never should have been there. I should have turned you away and then you could've survived." I slowly moved next to him, running a hand up and down his back. 

"It was my choice and you don't know that. I wanted to help, I could have gone somewhere else. I could have still gotten it." He brought his hands together and pressed them against his mouth, the knuckles going white from how tight he gripped them. I brought my hand to the back of his neck and leaned our heads together, focusing on the window and his breathing. The tension and hard breathes didn't seem to be leaving. " Do you know why I love you?" His head only moved slightly, waiting for an answer.

" I love you because you focused on your work, even while you grieved for a me that is gone. You kept going so no one else would have to suffer from the plague itself or the loss it brought." I grabbed his chin and made him look at me now, tears beginning to burn in my eyes "I love you because even when the memories were gone you still focused on helping everyone else and loved me so much you were willing to pay for a crime you didn't commit just to save everyone again. You have never  failed me Julian Devorak. You never will. I know you don't want to believe me, but I am going to be here, everyday until you do." A tear slipped down his face, and he grabbed my hands, holding them between us and looking at them as if they had all the answers. After what felt like forever a small smile finally made it's appearance. 

"How can a man be so lucky to get to have you twice?" He gave me a peck on the lips and stood, pulling on his shirt.  I watched him as he finished buttoning it and pulled on his jacket, smiling. Giving me a once over, he laughed and winked. "While I would love to lie about all day with you, I fear there will be Mazelinka will brandish her spoon if we don't begin the day. And I'm sure everyone will worry when the famous MC doesn't appear for official duties." I rolled my eyes but got up, getting ready myself to face the day. Before we left the room, Julian pulled me back to him for one more kiss, whispering an I love you as we parted.

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Okay so what did we think?? This is my first time doing fanfiction stuff so I hope you enjoyed it! I mean I know it could obviously be better but writing is hard and it is late.

  I got this idea last night after rerunning some of his book, and I figured that I should share it- and ya know write it down before I forgot it.  I don't know when the next time I update this will be, considering this is just random oneshots that I think of  and they won't be all for the Arcana. But if you like it I hope you all will stay! 

Have a good one! 

~Maura