Just a thought

Forgiveness (Hamilton)

Takes place at the end of Quiet Uptown

I looked at my hand in disbelief, Eliza's fingers wrapped in mine. Using that hand I pulled her to into my chest as more tears gathered in both of our eyes. I breathed in, clutching her to me as we both shook. After what felt like hours we finally broke apart and I cupped her face, wiping at her tears with my thumb. Her eyes searched mine, looked over my face almost quizzically, and for the first time in ages she smiled at me. A bright genuine smile. She reached up and pushed hair away from my face and let out an almost relieved sigh.

"There you are." As she spoke more tears began falling down her face, confusion filled me, then regret. I brought my other hand up so I was fully framing her face.

"Eliza, I know I've made mistakes. I was never gone, I've been here beside you." Even as I tried to reassure her she sadly shook her head.

"I mean you Alexander. The real you. The Alex I married." At the look on my face she continued, "after John, something in you shifted. You became so obsessed with your legacy that you changed, your ideals rearranged in an instant. Like John took that piece of you with him." She took a shaky breath and the sadness clouded her vision again.  " I just hate that it took losing Philip to bring it back." Her voice broke. I moved my hands from her face, and down her arms until I could pull her hands between us. I held them, my thumb running repeatedly over her ring. I took a breath and moved back.  Question flashed across her face briefly, chased away by realization as I dropped to one knee.

" Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton, I was lost. You're right, and we both know that does not excuse the choices I've made. I will never be able to apologize enough for pain and humiliation that I have caused you. If you can it find in your heart to let me back in, I promise , I will try and be the man you married again.  Though I cannot say that I will stop my work, I will be there Eliza. I will take breaks, I will not leave you again. There will no longer be a husk in place of your husband. I will be there when your grief overtakes you, I will be there when the tears in your eyes are from joy and happiness, if you will have me, I will be there by your side until I draw my last breath. I love you. When I was lost I loved you and for the rest of my life I love you. May I continue to be your husband?" Our eyes remained locked, every fiber of my being wanting to look away in fear of her response. But I knew if she told me to go I would. Her happiness meaning more to me than redemption. I watched as she dropped to her knees as well, breaking my hold to rest hers on my shoulders. I watched as another small smile came to her lips, and only closed my eyes as  her forehead met mine. I felt her nod and relief flooded me. For the second time I brought her to my chest, pressing her to me. With only the stars as witness, we held on to this new promise, taking the first steps toward the rest of our lives.

Forgiveness...can you imagine?

****

Can you guess what I was listening to tonight?  I randomly thought of Eliza's bit and than BAM this happened. Ever since the first time I watched Hamilton, I always kinda pushed the fact that Alex broke when Laurence died and like when Philip died it smacked the needed sense into him and gave him his oh fuck moment. On that note, I hope you all enjoyed it, and if you didn't: sorry? Till next time!

~ Maura