I was sitting at the small desk that was standing in the room of jai and luke where me and jai have been spending these past few days in Australia. i couldn't fight anymore , i couldn't hold it all in anymore. jai and the boys went to the gym so i decided it was the best time to say my goodbyes. tears pouring down my face i began writing.
Someone once asked me why I do not believe in love.
On the day that my father left it was raining,
it was as if the sky felt my heart tearing into pieces
and in response it imitated the putter of his drunken feet as he shuddered down the hall and slammed the door behind him.
I didn't see him for six months, until I had been called to identify his body.
He looked cold and broken, his skin pale and his once smiling grin transformed into a permanent look of confusion.
No sixteen year old child should have to experience a mortician lift a white sheet from over her father's face, but I did.
I finally escaped that nightmare when I fell for a boy in my eleventh year of school.
He had a common name and deep blue eyes, but I was drowning and he was only pushing me deeper in; he simply said that he was trying to teach me how to swim.
I mistook the black and blue marks down my body as a sign of love.
When he fucked me, he held every piece of me together knowing that when he let go I would fall apart.
It was a cancerous love, the kind movies avoid and no one speaks of, but it was love all the less.
The hole in my bedroom wall tells the story of the day I left him, and so does the long scar down my right cheek.
I believe that love is a toxin that our bodies simply are addicted to.
We crave it, but the moment it is gone we are transformed into nothing more than heart wrenching memories. you're probably wondering why i'm telling you this now. well .. thats because i wanna thank you Jai. for showing me love , making me feel like a princess. Telling me im beautiful. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Im not doing this because i dont love you enough , i'm doing this cause i want you to be happy and you always worrying about me isn't gonna make you happy. I love you so much Jai. I will always love you and i'll never forget u.
You have my heart always ,
Jassie.
Tears couldnt be controlled anymore. I put the letter down on his bedside table and took the pills. I took them in my mouth , swallowed and shut my eyes.
This is it.
