my darling.
it's me.
wake up.
my eyes open again, but you aren't there. why aren't you there? i heard your voice. felt your breath on my neck. no matter how much i open and close you aren't there. please come back.
i miss you too.
i grab my phone. just to look at my screen. its you. smiling wide. you look so happy love. tears in my eyes start to stain my dirty face. i gave up on taking care of myself after you left. as much as i try to. i just can't move on.
the last thing you said was that you were going to be back soon. i waited for you, like a dog waits for the mailman to bring their owners letters and parcels. is that all i am to you? a dog.
i can't go back to sleep. i can't close my eyes. every time i try i see you. smiling. your eyes bright. your hair all shiny. you had perfect teeth too. but you knew that. you knew that you were perfect. everyone always looked at you when we were in public. you said they thought they were judging you. but we both know that isn't true. you are the embodiment of love. like a bee loves a flower or a plant loves rain. everyone adored you love.
i should have tried harder
i knew you weren't doing okay. your smile started to fade and your eyes became less bright. i didn't see your perfect teeth as much anymore. you know i love you. but that wasn't enough. i thought it was a phase and you'd be okay. you said you'd be okay. but you lied. you know how much i hate liars.
everyday i bring you flowers. sunflowers were your favourite. you said they were the flower that made the world happy. they were supposed to make the world brighter. but now lying next to you they look dull. the sunflowers from the day before and the days before that are starting to slowly wither and die. the one i lay today looks so happy compared to the others, but i know tomorrow it won't be the same. the others will change it. make it dull.
i'm sorry.
i miss you.
(i re-read this for the first time since i wrote it & i didnt realise how bad this was. I apologise for the word vomit. I'll fix it when I'm bothered.)
