The Scars Within

Chapter 1

Meg's pov

"Ugh" I let out a grunt as I raised my head from the toilet bowl and slumped to the floor of my bathroom. I had just spilt out my guts into the toilet and was currently feeling the weakening effect that came with doing that.

Also, the room stank of vomit which added dizziness to my weakness and those were in no wise a good combination. With that in mind I promptly reached for the handle of the water closet and flushed the toilet

Flushing got rid of most of the smell but the disgust I felt for what I just did still remained with me

Some say doing something for a long time makes it gradually become easier to do. But I tell you that that's false news, I've been doing this for the past ten years and it doesn't get any easier each time rather it gets more depressing

While placing one hand on the toilet sit and the other against the wall for support, I let out another grunt and lifted my body off the floor. My entire body and feet ached.

After getting off the floor, I took off my heels and walked to the bathroom sink. Then rinsed my mouth to get rid of the vile taste of throw up that stuck to my throat and tongue. The coolness of the water was enough to clear my dizziness

I always avoided looking at myself the bathroom mirror after everytime I forced myself to vomit because I knew that pitiful sight of myself would make me shed pointless tears. I've already accepted the cards fate handed me years ago

I just got back from the farewell dinner my coworkers at the office had in my honour. I had been just promoted in my office and was being transferred to the head quarters to begin work in a few days from today

I had tried my very best to dissuade them out of organizing this event because I knew the consequence I'd have to face after the dinner. But they discarded every excuse I gave and went ahead with their plans, giving me no choice but to attend. I made sure to eat half of the food served in my plate at the party to avoid curious stares or questions

But immediately I got home, I ran to my bathroom, placed my head on the toilet sit and tried forcing out everything I ate and drank from my stomach by sticking my fingers down my throat.

Which was what I had been doing for the past thirty minutes since my arrival. I didn't lift my head from the toilet sit until I was sure I had emptied my stomach of its content the best I could

The only substances allowed to remain in my body were salads with little or no dressings, low calorie containing fruits and water. Also, lots and lots of multivitamin tablets

I forced myself to stick to this strict diet due to the fact that I had always struggled with my weight during my younger. And this diet helps prevent that from ever happening again

My diet plan was the major reason why I rarely attended family functions and also avoided social gatherings or parties like one because I knew the end result and pains behind it. My body couldn't stand throwing up frequently

I took off my clothing, went to stand in front of the full length mirror in my room and began examining my entire, scanning for any form of fat so I could work on it when I went to the gym the next day. This was my daily routine and will always continue to be

Finding no extra body fat after my thorough scan, I walk to my weighing scale and weighed myself. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw I didn't gain any weight but I had lost some. Then, I went to sit on the only available furniture in my apartment which was my bed.

My apartment was totally empty because all my belongings had been moved a new apartment which was close to my new workplace.

I feel scared about this change for some reason. I was moving out of my office branch, which had become a safe space for me, to the main branch which would be a total new environment. Also, I wouldn't know anyone at my new place of work

Sighing once more, I tried convincing myself that I was being paranoid and for the most part I managed to do that but I still could not shake the little residue of unease I felt.

This recent development would mean that I'd have to meet new coworker that would probably want to me to have lunch with them and I'd have a hard time saying no. Which would lead to a cycle of regular throw up session for the first few weeks if not months. I remember how hard it was for me when I started working in my previous branch.

After a few seconds of sitting, my eyes started to droop. I laid my exhausted body on the bed without care for the fact that I had nothing on except for my underwear. I was too tired to try getting up to put on any form of clothing.

But to protect myself again the chill of the room, I placed my heavy duvet over my underwear clad body, covering my head to my feet. I knew that if I dared to expose my body through the night, I'd wake up having a serious cold that would last for days!

Learning to wrap up myself against the cold was one of the first skills I learnt as a child. Because most often than not, having a cold makes me cough and strong coughs trigger my asthma attacks. All these were perks of having a messed up immune system

I put the depressing thoughts out of my health out of my head the instance I felt it start to build. I needed to clear my mind if I wanted to enjoy any sleep tonight. Within a few minutes I felt myself drift into slumber

Sometime during my walk around the dream world, I heard my phones vibrating from calls. That lasted for about for a while before they started beeping continuously. I guessed it was my mom or my colleagues but I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone especially with how raw my throat felt and how exhausted I was 

So I did the most obvious thing that any one would do

I ignored everyone else in the world and continued my sleep... everyone will have to wait till tomorrow

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My sincere apologies for any grammatical errors or typos