The Substitute (A Natasha Romanoff Story)

Chapter 18

Wanda didn't bother to watch the cremation, she couldn't handle it, maybe it was better for her. I saw her sitting on the steps outside, hands in her lap, murmuring something under her breath, I could only assume that she was praying. She cracked her knuckles and chewed on her bottom lip, her leg bouncing up and down anxiously. It had started to drizzle with rain as small drops of water covered Wanda's hair and blazer.

"Wanda," I sighed, sitting beside her. This was the first time I had tried to make conversation with her that day. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself, it's freezing."

She didn't say anything, instead she kept her eyes glued to her hands, cracking her knuckles more, even after they had stopped making a clicking sound. I used my hand to turn her head towards me and used the sleeve of my coat to wipe away the tracks of tears that stained her face. I could tell that she found some comfort in it.

"You have to say something Wanda." I urged, tilting my head so that my eyes met hers.

She sighed, looking up from her hands and back at me.

"We're never going to see him again." Her voice was thick with tears.

The realisation finally hit me. All it took were those simple words and reality hit me like a truck. We were never going to see Jasper again. We were never going to hear him speak, or laugh or cry. Of course, we had videos and photos that we could look back on, but they would never amount to the joy we felt when we were with him.

"He called you." Wanda stated, "On the night you were with him. You said that he called you, and you didn't answer."

I stared at her blankly, waiting for her to make a point.

"Why didn't you answer his call?" She asked.

"I was busy." I said shamefully.

"Busy doing what?" She questioned, her tone was snappy and rude.

"Wanda!" I said in shock, squinting my eyes at her to exhibit my confusion.

"What were you doing in your life that was so much more important than answering his call?" She pried, narrowing her tear-filled eyes.

I was appalled and disturbed by the way she was acting. I had never seen her so riled up before. I guess it's easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you're hurt, but did she really have to take all her anger out on me?

"He needed you." She said, as if I didn't already know that.

"Listen Wanda," I placed a hand on top of hers but she pulled them away, making me sigh. "I understand that you're upset, but I'm not the person you should be taking this out on."

At this point, I was lying to myself as well as her. Even if there was the slightest chance that this could've been prevented if I had just answered my phone, I would've taken it. But no, the damage was done and the only person I had to blame was myself. There was no way I could've known, but a part of me knew that the phone call was important, yet I still made the decision not to answer it. The next thing I knew, Wanda was standing up from the steps and started walking in the direction of her car, without another word. I followed, trying to catch up to her although my uncomfortable heels prevented me from walking faster than I intended. But she didn't stop, even after she heard the tapping of my heels.

"Wanda, where are you going?" I called out to her.

"I can't be here." She answered dryly.

"You can't leave yet!"

"Shouldn't you be used to people leaving you by now, Naomi?" She snapped, turning around to look at me.

Instant regret plastered across her face as soon as she said it. Her eyebrows creased and she avoided eye contact with me. You would expect us to be there for one another, especially after Jasper passed. But it turned out that he was the glue holding us together and now that he was gone, there was nobody to do that. I tried my best to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, but regardless of what everybody might say, it was. My heart stung at her words. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as it looked like she wanted to apologize, but couldn't. Because she was right.