Diary of the Mad Hatter

March 30th, 2015

You know.. I kind of hate anything inspirational. It's like.. it just makes me feel feelings, which I don't like. It makes me think about how freaking miserable my life really is.
It's hard to explain, but I was just listening to We'll Be The Stars by Sabrina Carpenter. In the video, she's with her friends in a beautiful beautiful field and they're just having fun dancing. I can do none of that.
I don't know maybe ask yourself- go outside. Maybe it's just that my life is a lot of crap, or maybe it's just the fact that I don't know anything about myself or anyone else that I have.
But seriously, ask yourself to go outside; what do you see? I'm sure it's mostly just a bunch of houses or maybe it's just a bunch of trees with nothing pretty, it's just kind of brush. For me, I see houses and trees without their beautiful essence.
I think maybe the thing is that every dynasty of theories we have are based on the things we see on our screens. Which are really just lies that are trying to make you feel happy.
Maybe it just doesn't work with me. Maybe in my eyes, I'm seeing what it all really is, which is a bunch of f****** lies.
I mean, I hear the birds chirping and I see everything around me, but it doesn't make me feel any better. But this time, unlike the other people who are trying to find the key to happiness, I have based everything I have, not on what I see on my screen, but what I see on my screen and what's real. There is obviously a lot of differences, a big big difference.
I think the reason nothing's going right is the fact that we don't have anybody. I think that while we're watching all these perfect things, in our heads we're thinking. We're trying to find the key to getting those things in our life and getting everything they have, and making ourselves happy. It's a fact that they actually have friends and people to go outside with. I have no one.
All we have to run with is our phones and the people in different countries and states we're communicating with that we've never met. Those are the only people that are ever capable of making me feel any better and that's sad.
I think the thing is, the weather isn't always perfect and the birds aren't always chirping and the trees aren't always beautiful and the pollen isn't always nowhere to be found.
Sometimes when we're by ourselves, we find ourselves sitting here thinking and feeling feelings that we try our best to stride away from.
I think the thing is, once again I say my theory is, that we're alone; we have no one that's physically here beside us.
You see, I'll be on Instagram typing all this in the caption and in the comments, "I'm here for you.", "I'm here for you.", but you're not here with me, you're here for me. You're there for me, you're not here for me, you're not here with me, there's a big big big difference.
I love a lot of people, but when I'm home by myself like right now all I have is my dogs. They can't talk back to me, I can't take them outside unless they're on a leash, and then they want to pull me random places that I don't want to go. It's not like having a best friend, they're only your best friend when they're inside laying on the couch; it doesn't help much. I do love them, don't get me wrong, and if they ever ran away or died or anything I'd be very very sad.
I think my number one wish in my life is that my life would be like in the books and the movies and music videos and everything we see on the screens of ours. But the thing is, those are actors and a actresses. It never actually really happened, which means it might be impossible.
Space is the only place where everyone could fit. No one can fit into Earth like one big puzzle. We're all scattered, no one can fit on earth. I know what you're thinking, we already do fit on Earth. But there's big gaps in between. We're too scattered, yet we're not scattered at all. We're either in big groups or by ourselves which are both very bad for me.
So far, I've gotten more than 700 words, but they're still not enough to explain what I'm trying to say. What I think I'm trying to say is, I think the key to having those happy endings and those happy times in our life, is if everyone was in a group of 2 or 4. That's it. That is what I'm trying to say. After eight hundred and something words, I finally said what I wanted to.
The key to our happiness is hard yet easy. The key to your happiness is no rules and no bad perspectives. The key to our happiness is also groups of 2 or 4. That way we always have at least one more person by our side. There will be no more people left out and no more third wheels. No more drop outs in school because we have each other to lean on and to help us . You may not notice it but another very key think your happiness is no more school. I know what you're thinking, I'm just some kid that's too lazy to wake up in the morning, but the thing is, school has never been good to anyone. No one at all has ever been gratefully excited for school.
To have a happy life, there are many key things we need to have a happy life. A thousand words or so and my point has been stated many times but I'm sure this is one big blur. My last sentence is there are many key things to a happy life but they're impossible to get.