Diary of the Mad Hatter

March 30th, 2015 (2)

The only escape to this mundane life is death. The only way to a planned death is suicide.

I don't think I'm going to kill myself, but I do think that I'm the only one that, if I would, it would be for this reason.

Today, I'm home alone and definitely thinking way too much. Usually when I fangirl says they're dying a feels, it's an expression and it means that they just really like what they're reading about.

But with me being a sociopath, it's a bit different . When I say I'm dying of feels it means that my mind is being crowded with all these feelings and emotions about something that's not really there and I can't help it. (All you fangirls that are reading this, you're thinking, yeah that's how we all feel, you're not special.)

The truth of the matter is, I am NOT special. I'm a different kind of special, as in I am insane. I know it sounds kind of usual, but the way I feel isn't exactly like I'm saying.

The problem is, that I don't know how to say how I feel. It's all kept up inside me in a way that I can't explain. I don't know how to write it down. One of my favorite quote is, "I wanted to write down exactly how I felt, but somehow the paper stayed empty. And I could not have described it any better." That is exactly how I feel right now; I can't say it to this little microphone how I feel.

I feel like most people are suicidal because they have an actually terrible life. You see I'm suicidal because I realized how boring our lives are and I realize that all the happiness we see is figuratively in our minds and none of its true. See, I told you I was insane!

Well, I was going to say only a couple people know about me being this way, but no, no one does except for God and Jesus. People all the time tell me that things aren't real, including them, but I know they are. How does your science explain everything else?
On the outside, I'm very giggly happy and a simple girl, but on the inside there's something so complex going on in my mind at the moment that you'd probably pass out while I'm telling you these things.

Approximately 400 words I said so far and nothing really important has come out- it's, it's useless, you sitting here reading on and you haven't found a point. To be honest there really is no point in doing this there's no main idea to this and there's no thesis statement. Sorry English teachers. I'm sure I've used improper grammar a million times too, but I don't give a f***. I couldn't care less.

Oh, that's another thing. I hate it when people get quotes or sayings wrong. I want to smack them and twist their words into something else and see how they like it.
I can't believe that right now I'm looking out the window and seeing nothing at all to live for. Oh look fresh cut grass! I better not kill myself! #sarcasm! Woops -_-

I'm sure no one but me is going to read this, but you know. I have to put my feelings somewhere.