So Sick

The Search

A/N This chapter is not meant to classify Niall or anyone as clueless or stupid. It is simply clarifying stereotypes with eating disorders, mainly anorexia.

Chapter 9

(Keep in mind this is about one month after the date)

Niall's POV

I woke up the next day on Liam's couch. My mind flashed back to the night of the date; there was the pamphlet, and the apology. Making her happy was the best feeling in the world, and I would do it 10,000 more times if I could. She had to know how much she meant to me, how just knowing that I made her smile brightened up my day. At the same time, it made me wonder if there was anything else that she was hiding. I hated to be invasive, but I only wanted to help. I drove back to their house and knocked on the door. I was praying that Christine would answer. I couldn't look Nicole in the eyes without bawling and asking her a million questions. Sure enough, it was Nicole who answered the door.

"Oh. Niall. I wasn't expecting you. "

There was a bit of awkward silence while I thought of an excuse to look around.

"Yeah...I...um...came to pick up Zayn's hat. He said he left it here."

"Oh. Um...maybe. You're welcome to check around the house for it."

"I'm just preparing dinner for us later."

There were diced tomatoes, onions, and various other ingredients spread out.

I had once again confused myself. If she had been taking pills for anorexia, then why was she cooking for herself and Christine?

(A/N It sounds stupid, but it is stereotyped.)

"Oh okay. May I check upstairs?"

"Um. Yeah sure. Just don't go in my room. It's a bit of a mess. Bras and clothes everywhere haha."

"Alright. Be right back, babe."

I walked up the stairs and peeked through the doors to find her room. I know she told me not to, but I wanted to find out more so I could help. I slowly creeped open the door and saw that she had lied. Ever piece of clothing was neatly hung up in the closet and everything was in it's place and tidy. So there was something in her room.

I went to her desk and looked at the piles of paper. There were some old writing assignments and some drawings, but nothing worth hiding. Finally, in a drawer, I stumbled across a notebook. It was black with a leather cover. I opened it. The first page read,"DO NOT READ." I contemplated whether or not I should invade her privacy further and read. I made the decision to do so, so I would know what I was dealing with. I flipped the page and started to read the first word.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Nicole...I-"

"You what?! I told you not to come in here!"

"You lied!! It's not dirty in here."

"That doesn't give you a right to go through my room without permission!"

She walked over to me angrily and grabbed the book out of my hand.

"Did you read this?!"

"I-I."

"Did you read this?"

"Not yet...I-"

"You what? You had no right to read that."

"But I didn't."

"Oh. But you were about to! Who knows what would've happened if I didn't come up here!"

At this point she started to cry. She seemed most upset and betrayed than angry. I felt evil, like I had upset a small child.

I began to shake and cry. The fact that I made the one that I love this upset made me despise myself.

"Wh-what's in here?"

"Everything."

"Ca-can I read it?"

"Not yet."

Not YET. Yet. Meaning that it would happen. She would let me help her in due time. That's all I needed.

"Niall?"

Her voice was calmer now and more gentle.

"Yes dear?"

She was mute. There were no words spoken, yet a thousand emotions were spread.

Nicole faced me and rested her head on my chest. I felt her tears streaming down onto my shirt. I stroked her hair in attempts to calm her down. I gently moved to face her fully and noticed that she was extremely pale. I hadn't seen her this sickly and emaciated since the first time I had met her.

"I..." she began to say.

She collapsed onto the floor.

"Nicole? NICOLE?! BABE WAKE UP! PLEASE! PLEASE WAKE UP!"

I grabbed my phone and carried her to my car. I texted Christine to meet me at the hospital.

This was all my fault.