Just Rose

16

Rose went home later that afternoon, feigning a headache and apologising to Abby for ruining their plans, but she just needed to be alone to think. Everything she had learned about Morag was swirling in her head and her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces with all of it.

It tainted everything she did for the next few hours. Took all enjoyment from her life. Her mind, a swirling mass of conflicting thoughts and emotions, robbing her of her sanity, and as much as she tried to put on a brave face, even Muffin was sensing something was wrong. Following her around needily and whining up at her every time she sat still.

She pushed her phone into her bag on silence and ignored his texts, ignored when he called her later that night, unable to bear the sound of his voice. Unable to look at his name on the screen. Her heart prickling and heavy with the realisation that it was never going to work, that seeing Morag that way, seeing the extent of what he was dealing with, just put an end to everything.

She couldn't do this anymore and it was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done in her life; she needed to break things off, for her own sanity and for him too. This relationship was on a one-way road to destruction and if they kept going on this way she would end up hating him or vice versa. Morag was always going to come between them and Rose deserved more. She wanted normal; love; a relationship and happy endings. Kids, marriage, a life. None of that was possible if things were always going to be this way.

She tried to resist the temptation to read his texts, but weakness got the better of her. She missed him more than she could bear, and she knew she was only delaying the moment that would cut her heart out. Mostly they were just updates on his trip and that he missed her. That he would catch her when she was not busy. He would just assume she was with Abby and couldn't answer or was in her studio where she never took her phone, so she had peace.

The normal tone of his messages ripped her heart out, she felt like she was dying inside, he had no clue about the change in her and what was coming and the thought of hurting him only made her ache more. She sat staring at it numbly, tears pouring down her face as her phone vibrated again.

Another text, asking if she was upset with him as she was not responding. It had been a couple of hours and he knew she usually responded eventually when it came to him. Even if she was with Abby; she never usually just blanked him completely. She stifled a sob as another text hit her screen.

'I think I get it Rose... I spoke to Abby. Talk to me baby. xxx'

He was making this so much harder already and she had not even told him. She was losing resolve to stay strong and wait for his return to do this face to face. She couldn't keep ignoring him, it wasn't fair. He had done nothing to deserve this.

'Is there nothing I can say?' He barely left a minute between texts, sensing somehow, he would get no response. She bit her lip, holding back the tears inside, hurting so much more now that he knew what she was thinking. He knew her well enough to be able to piece it together.

He would have known from a brief conversation in which Abby would have told him about Morag's visit. She would have told him about the fight and the following conversation. What Abby had told her about Morag and their past; Abby told Rob everything. She had no secrets. Part of why she loved the girl was because she was honest and open with everyone. He would have guessed at what she was thinking, maybe even coming to the same conclusion a million times before himself. The fact that this situation had no end. That their future was as bleak as the last few weeks had been. That sneaking around would always be part of the relationship and Morag would always be there, always in the way. That it was not about needing more time, Morag was never going to be ready.