Random Meowws (Shivi Drabbles...)

To let sacrifice... Or to not

A slight AU on the Ramayan track, exploring what might have been if Shivi had played Lakshman and Urmila as had been expected... Inspired by Maya, a friend from IF...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They watched each other from opposite ends of the small stage. The skit felt simultaneously too real, and like a sham to cover up for them. She must be a great actress, he thought. The longing in her eyes was almost impossible to not believe. She had never boasted about this talent, though. 

He imagined her face in sleep, innocent, calm, like soothing water to his parched soul. Would she do it if he asked it of her? Sleep for him? Wait, he meant. Not knowing if he would return or not. His heart said yes, yes, you only need ask. Maami had cornered him during the skit practice, complaining about his family's hold on her, that she refused to marry and move on. The dam he'd painstakingly constructed to hold in his longing for her had shattered open.... And as he focused on her eyes again, he felt naked, raw, under her eyes. Her innocent, confused eyes, still displaying a longing that felt too real. 

As he waited backstage for the cue to his next scene, he saw that Maami corner her. He moved closer, not wanting to let her be pecked at by that bothersome woman. They were talking in barely audible murmurs, Maami's expressions almost pleading. "Maasi bas karo! Baar baar yeh kyun shaadi ke baat pe aapki sui atak jaati hain? Nahi karni mujhe koi dusri shadi. Nahi badna mujhe zindagi main aage. Maine kahaan na aapse, main Shiva ko divorce sirf isliye de rahi hoon kyun ki usse yeh chahiye. Aur agar aap mujhe shanti se rehne nahi de sakte hain tho Dhara di ki bacha pehda hone ke baad chali jaaungi main kisi aur jagah!" He stood there, shocked silent by her outburst as she brushed past him on her way to the stage. 

He watched from his spot in the shadows as she fell into a deep sleep on a kaat disguised as a bed. Fourteen years the princess had waited for her husband, his mother had told him. In the hope that one day her husband would return to her. He hadn't even given her that. He watched that face and was reminded him of a three year old Raavi snoring away with her head on his shoulder. One of his oldest memories. Trusting him to take care of her, to keep her safe from the nightmares of losing people she'd never known. Not Dev the gentle child to protect her, no. Shiva, the junglee bhalu who pulled at her hair and dirtied her pretty clothes. Maami would beg her to stay away from him, but she'd always shake her head and come running up to him, only to be pushed away. 

What had she said? 'Kyun ki usse yeh chahiye'. Self sacrificing fool. But she'd wanted to do it for him. For him. For the first time in his life, someone was doing something so completely for him, no matter how misguided. And he felt the pain of the past few months fade away. She'd been so jealous about Disha, and he'd hoped. But she'd backed away quickly and his gathered hopes had shattered away. But now he understood. Self sacrificing fool. What a pair they would make, he wondered chuckling to himself. 

Krish thumped him on the back, a confused look on his face. He shook his head, walking on stage as his eldest brother cued him, deciding then and there that he had no intention to start his married life at thirty six. Fourteen years of sleep could stay in the books, he was having a conversation with his wife as soon as he changed out of this prickly costume.