asking in vain // george weasley

chapter ten

In my head, I felt like I was overreacting to George's presence. It was a crush, which sure has lasted for over half a year now, but that's all it ever was. And at this rate, that's all it'll ever be.

Unfortunately, my heart didn't care. It truly felt broken purely because it never got the chance to love what it wanted. I made an excuse to the girls, claiming I really wanted to take a walk in the fresh air with Bullet, and that I'd catch up with them later.

Thank Godric I have amazing friends like Alicia and Angelina by my side. Those two have never questioned my odd requests and have always respected my space.

I set my butterbeer down along with some coins to pay for it, and headed out of the Boar's Head. I set my sights on meandering around the town, before finding what looks to be the edge of a grassy field. 

I knew Bullet would love to run around the field just a few times, so I said, "Mush" which is the command I picked out so he knows when he doesn't have to be "on duty".

I watched him run and frolick while I sat and took in the fresh spring air, when I heard faint footsteps behind me.

Must be one of the girls, is what I thought, but when I saw the damned red hair sitting next to me in my periferals, I could feel my body slightly tense up in nervousness.

"Hey, Andy," George said, playing with his hands in his lap.

"Hey George," I replied, keeping my eyes on Bullet. I had distanced myself from him for a reason, being around him only strengthened the crush. 

"Haven't had the chance to talk to you in a while, how've you been?" he asked, almost acting as if nothing had ever happened between us.

"It's been okay." I wasn't really in the mood for small talk.

"Well, that's good! How's Bullet doing?" He was way too cheery and my mood was way to sour for this conversation to end smoothly.

"Look, George, I appreciate you trying to be friendly, but I really can't have a friendship with you right now. I have tried and tried to make this stupid crush go away and even though I feel rejected, I can't stop thinking about you every time I see you. If we can ever be friends again, we need to ignore each other completely. It's extremely difficult trying to be rational with my feelings." Woah. Talk about word vomit. I'm not entirely sure where the courage to say all that came from, but at least it's out now and I can have some semblance of peace. 

It was silent for a while, and I could feel George's eyes on me as I continued to look towards the field. I refused to allow myself to look into his eyes right now, I know that would only make me swoon and swooning is not very high on my to-do list right now.

"I-" George starts, "I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't realize that you felt that strongly about this. . ." he trailed off and I saw his face turn towards the field. "I want to be with you, Andy, I do, but I'm just so scared of messing it up. It's whats kept me from asking you out for the past three months."

Internally, I rolled my eyes. "If we tried it George, and gave it our all and it didn't work out then that means it just wasn't meant to be. I can live with that. Could you?"

He shook his head. "I'd like to say I could but you don't see yourself the way that I see you. I'm terrified at the thought of something happening and you never want to talk to me or have anything to do with me ever again."

"George, it would take a lot for me to reach that point. I'm generally a pretty amicable person. Honestly, the worst thing about this whole situation is how annoying it's been going back and forth all year. Like it's wasted time. But it's not my place to force you into a relationship you don't want, either, so it's up to you. I'm not going to wait around forever. If you don't want to take the risk of it going bad, then ignore me for a while and maybe summer will be the motivation I need to get over these feelings." This way, I gave him an out. I've been waiting for him for so long but it's sending mixed signals to me because even though he says he likes me and wants to be with me, he doesn't pursue me at all. I refuse to wait on an empty promise for years on end.

"Okay. Okay, I see where you're coming from. What if we just completely start fresh? This year has been kind of a trainwreck, and I want a do-over. So, hi, Andy, if I can call you that, I'm George." He held out his hand, for me to shake so I did, with a smile on my face. 

I had finally turned toward him and let myself get excited again. I prayed and prayed and prayed this worked out. There was just something inside me screaming with joy, something inside me that wants this so, so bad. 

"Hi, George," I said quietly. "And I guess you can call me Andy, although most people call me Ace."

"Well, I know, but with a name like Alexandria, there's too many possibilities to just pick one!"

I laughed at his reference to one of our first conversations, my cheeks glowing with a light blush. George somehow always managed to make me feel like a giddy little kid again.

-

Just a few weeks later, it was time to get on the train. George and I had been taking it slow, purely because of the upcoming summer apart, and so we are still in a friend stage. I don't mind this time though, because there's the promise of more in the future that I can't wait to grasp.

The twins, Lee, and us girls all shared a section of the train, laughing about the different shenanigans we pulled off through the year.

When we pulled up to the station, I got really sad like I do every year at the thought of not seeing my friends for a couple months. 

As we all gathered our things, George turned to give me a tight hug. "Keep your window open for an owl," he whispered in my ear, making me smile as big as I could.

"I will," I replied, giving him a light kiss on his ear before turning and running out of the train to say my goodbyes to the girls.