asking in vain // george weasley

chapter nine

I woke up from a bright light shining directly on my eyes, causing me to wince and move my hand to cover my face. 

I shifted, feeling a weight against my side move as I do so, which made me jolt up quick in realization.

"George!" I whisper-shouted. "Wake up! We need to talk and its almost time when everyone and their mother comes through here!"

The clock on the wall said 5 o'clock, in the morning. He slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes with a groan.

God, if he wasn't being such a bullhead I'd think he's dreamily cute right now.

Oh, who am I kidding, I do think he's dreamily cute right now.

"Good morning, Andy," George said sheepishly when he opened his eyes fully.

"Good morning." I gave him a look, one that said "you know why we are here and need to talk".

"So, how'd you sleep?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, holding in a chuckle. "Like shit most of the night, luckily it's a Sunday and we don't have classes. Want to tell me why you got in a fight with Oliver?"

"Why do I feel like you already know?" He gave me the side eye, his face starting to blush.

"Look, George, I do kind of know but what I know is speculation. I just want to put it out there though, that Oliver and I were only spending time together so he could get his Care of Magical Creatures grade up. There was never any romantic feelings between us and if you were jealous of him or me or whoever then that's now a moot point."

I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to say that I thought he had a crush on me outright. If he felt that way, he would need to say it.

"Andy, I'm sorry for my behavior. Truly. I was jealous, of Oliver, because he was spending so much time with you and making you laugh and all these other things that don't really matter any more. I feel like it could not be more obvious that I have a massive crush on you, and have had it since last year."

"Last YEAR?" I said a lot louder than I thought I would. "I thought this was a recent development because I've never spent time with you before this year?"

George blushed. "Well, Fred started keeping tabs on Angelina's group since last year, when he noticed her vying for his attention. So, I just so happened to notice you."

I shook my head. "I had no idea." There was a slight pause, so I took a deep breath and said, "If we are being completely honest, I also have a crush on you, since shortly after this school year began. That's why I wanted to talk to you, because you've been making me dizzy with the back and forth on you acting like you hate me or not."

"I've never hated you, Andy. More so, I don't know how to handle my emotions and when you ran away like I gave you poison that one night when I think we almost kissed, and then started spending all your extra time with Oliver, I just got so jealous and upset and I handled it the wrong way."

I nodded my head. "I guess I could see that. By the way, I wasn't trying to run away from you. I had just gotten a little freaked because I've never had anything close to a boyfriend ever. So what are we going to do now that we have aired our feelings out?"

George sighed and looked out the window, towards the grounds of Hogwarts. "I think, if you're okay with it, we should just stay friends for now. I need to get my emotions under check before I can get into any type of serious relationship, and you are the type of girl that deserves a serious relationship."

I will be honest, not the answer I was expecting. My shoulders kind of deflated when he got done speaking. A part of me sees where he's coming from, but another part of me whats to say screw it, lets figure this thing out together and see where it leads. But I can't force someone to be in a relationship with me if that's not what they want, so I said, "Yeah, that makes sense. Best for everyone if we just stay friends."

George nodded and bit his lip awkwardly, as if he could sense the slight mood change.

I stood up, "Well, I'm still really tired and could use some more sleep. I'll see you at some point this week I'm sure." 

I picked up the blanket I had brought down with me when Ali, Ang, and I first came down to the common room and headed back up to our dorm where I found the girls both passed out asleep. Bullet had been with us, and he quietly jumped up onto my bed when I climbed up in it, both of us quickly falling asleep.

-

As the next few days passed, things had shifted back to the way they were between George and I at the beginning of the year. No acknowledgement of each other, barely any talking, and just a few stolen glances here and there.

I won't lie, it upset me a lot. It just feels wrong, for everything that has happened to lead up to nothing. I didn't feel like I could really just be friends with George, but he made it clear that's all he wants, despite our feelings.

So, I needed to make the choice to stop having a crush on him. The only way I can do that is to go back to paying him no mind, and just focusing my my health, my school work, and my friends.

The days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and next thing I know we've passed right by winter and are now in the beginning of spring, with only two months left of the school year. 

My heart still had a slight ache when I was around George, purely because we never got to explore our feelings for each other. We really did click, but if it wasn't meant to be then there's nothing I could do about that. A part of me felt as though I was waiting for George to tell me "I'm ready! I settled my emotions and I am ready to be in a relationship with you!" but it never came.

The distance between us became wider and wider until it all felt like it was some sort of surreal dream.

Ang and Ali were super supportive in the beginning, but I think even they now have lost hope for me to find love. I must be destined for the spinster lifestyle.

Ang and Fred seemed to be in a weird space too. Angie's mother noticed her grades took a dive, and told Ang she needed to stop frolicking with whatever boy she had her sights on, and focus on her grades. So, they kind of fizzled out too, but still talk and laugh and flirt with each other. Ang's mom just won't let her commit to a relationship with anything except her school work. 

We were in Hogsmeade one Saturday, enjoying smooth butter beers at the Pub, when the twins came in and sat at a table on the opposite side of the room.

The way we were positioned, I could see George and he could see me, but Ang and Ali's backs were facing Fred's back. 

I tried as hard as I could to focus on the girls in front of me, but I couldn't help but to glance at the cute redheaded boy sitting across the room. A few times, I swear, I saw him glance back up at me.