"Your not a bad person, you've just done some bad things."
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The wizarding war is over, the dark lord is gone for good but the aftermath of war can leave you a little broken. For Sirius Black he lo...
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Sirius Black held onto the edge of the sink, gripping on as if his life depended on it. Letting go meant he would be disconnected from the world. He looked up, into the broken mirror with pieces missing and blood dripping from where his fist had previously been. His wet hair drips down his exposed torso, one filled with so many tattoos he doesn't even remember the stories for them all.
It has been two weeks since Remus Lupin came to visit, a man who he once loved—a man he still loved, told him he forgave him. That they all forgave him. But forgiveness is worth nothing when you can't forgive yourself.
Millions of thoughts come to the surface of his brain at the same time making it impossible to think. He refuses to look up. Refuses to look at himself. The black pyjama pants cling to his body holding up as he falls to the floor.
I killed Regulus. I almost killed the Potters. I hurt Remus, I didn't trust him.
I trusted Peter.
Sirius looked to the cabinet across the room. One filled with whisky that he desperately wanted to chug right now. A liquid that would make it all go away. Sirius pushed himself off the floor and walked over to the wooden cabinet. He unlocked the door letting it fall open. There it was . . . His curse, the drink that made him feel so good but so terrible every time but he could never stop once he started.
He grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap taking a small sip to start. The burning liquid felt so familiar like it belonged in his body. When he went to take another and drown the pain he had been feeling on this winter night, a rushed nock hit the door in hurry, in a fearful panic.
Sirius put the bottle down and closed the door, ashamed of what he had just done. And when he opened the door, guilt hit him again. Lyndy stood there in a blue nightgown with ruffles on the sleeves and a black dog stuffed animal as tears fell from her eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked kneeling down and placing his hands protectively on her waist letting the sobs slowly vanish.
"I—I h-had a nigh-nightmare."
Sirius remembered his, ones he still got to this day. He remembered Regulus running to his room and climbing in next to him holding onto his brother for safety but when Sirius woke up he was gone in the morning, but he never said anything. I should have said something. I should have protected him.
"It's okay bean, come here." He pulled her closer wrapping her body in a hug and never wanting to let go.
"Can—can I stay with you?" The man looked at her pleading eyes and saw his little brother, saw himself, saw a little girl he wanted to protect more than anything even if he was just protecting her from scary monsters on her dreams.
"Of course."
The small seven year old followed the man into the room and climbed into the wide bed getting comfortable under the covers. Sirius lied next to her unsure of what to do but he lied there looking to the ceiling and let his mind drift off.
"Night, night daddy." The girl whispered drifting off into sleep as the mans smile couldn't have been any wider. "Lyndy was his daughter.
Lyndy was Sirius's guardian angel. She kept him grounded. She gave him a purpose. She made the bad a little more bearable. And above all, she made forgiving himself a little easier with her odd but extremely intelligent words.
His mind remembered the sip he took but he wouldn't drink any more. He knew what he needed to do. He knew what he needed to become. He just needed to be a little more like his brother to get it. Cunning enough to get what he wanted. And it started tomorrow.
