"Your not a bad person, you've just done some bad things."
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The wizarding war is over, the dark lord is gone for good but the aftermath of war can leave you a little broken. For Sirius Black he lo...
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The school was cleaned of all rubble, and now it was time for the rebuilding, putting up new windows, creating classrooms and stable walls, and after that would be making it a home again for all the students who ever walk through the castle doors.
Sirius Black was outside helping with all the work to be done while Lyndy followed him around, her big grey-blue eyes following his movements. "I have a question." She asked gripping onto her book a little tighter. Sirius had noticed she did this all the time when she was nervous.
"What is it?"
"When your done fixing the school, where will you go? What happens?"
"I will find a job, get an apartment, try to find my way back into society, properly this time. And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get my family back."
"They love you. They'll forgive you." There was an odd silence as Sirius pushed off the wall and turned around to face the young girl who sat on the ground already looking up at him. "Will I ever see you again?"
Sirius smiled as he beaut down in front of her, "I hope so, depends on if your new parents will let me come by."
Lyndy looked to the side before standing up and avoiding eye contact, "I should get to class." The little girl walked away only for her absence to allow him to see a presence in front of him.
Remus Lupin stood there with one of his looks Sirius knew all too well, "your pretty stupid you know," he chuckled as he walked forward.
"Come to insult me, have you?"
"She's right you know, we all forgive you, we understand. Peter, he was manipulative and your family they hurt you and it messed with your head, I get why you couldn't trust me, you were overthinking it's a natural response to stress and we were all stressed."
"Only my stress and my mistakes lead to people getting killed. I'm the reason Marlene and Dorcas are dead, I'm the reason my brothers dead. And I am the reason James and Lily almost died, if I—"
"Stop. Stop blaming yourself and stop living in the past Sirius, because your missing out on the present, and your future, I can't see it, because I can't even tell if your here with me right now."
Sirius took a deep breath and sat down leaning against the wall not caring if it was wet or dirty or whatever state it seemed to be in, he let himself melt into the wall and soon, so did Remus. Tow brown men leaning against the wall. "I loved you Sirius and I know you trust me, I know you were manipulated. We all forgive you but you need to forgive yourself."
The man looked over at the taller man, his grey eyes gleaming, "I'm so fucking unstable."
"We're all unstable Sirius but sometimes you need to let others in and then for a tiny moment you can be at peace, you can have a clear mind."
"You said loved."
Remus swallowed and turned his face to look forward. "I did love you Sirius and I still do but I'm not going to say it until you forgive yourself, until your ready to truly be you, and god dam-it Sirius, the little one, your screwing that up and you know exactly how."
"I can't be her dad."
"But you can. She wants you too. Your holding yourself back, and I hate seeing it because you are capable of so much." Remus stood up from the spot on the ground, "I just came to say Christmas is coming up in about a month and a half, we all want you there, and maybe if we're lucky, you'll bring a little guest?"
"Who knows, maybe I'll come." Sirius shrugged.
"I hope you do, I hear mistletoe comes out of nowhere!" Remus called as he left, looking back at Sirius with that smile that made his heart hammer in his chest. The black haired boy sat there and watched him walk off, the man who was his best friend and evolved into so much more, the man who spoke in cryptic ways but somehow always got his message across, the man who ate too much chocolate and apple juice which was the oddest combination but he could never have one without the other. The man who's brown eyes had gold specks as if they were actually made out of gold, as if that look was worth everything.
Remus Lupin was everything to Sirius Black and as he watched him walk away he felt a piece of his heart fit back into place as if something he said changed something in him. But Remus always did that, made him want to change for the better, made him want to be better.
He pushed of that wall and breathed in the fresh air before walking off to Minerva McGonagall's office, for the first time with purpose just as he had when he was sixteen and he believed he owned it.
Today may of been only a small step, but having a single part click was on,y the beginning and soon everything else would follow.
