Draw Me Your Worries | S. Rogers x Reader

Ch. 7 - Working Through Guilt

Today was the final day that the class got to work on their drawings, and when class ended everyone got to show their drawings to their desk partners.

With Steve and her date the other night, he was expecting some awkwardness between them. To his surprise, there was none. They talked and laughed as normal, which he found incredibly relieving. They switched sketchbooks ten minutes before class ended.

Steve looked at his own face, drawn by pure graphite. It looked like he was staring at a photograph of himself in the '40s, it was that realistic. He didn't know how she captured every feature he had so well.

Were his eyelashes really that long?

"You're the first person to ever get my nose right," she said, chuckling lightly.

He assumed it was her desk partners the past times she took this class that she was talking about.

He set her sketchbook on the desk and complimented, "I can't compete with yours, it looks like a photograph."

"But it's black and white?"

She was genuinely oblivious. Steve gave her an amused look.

When she realized that black and white photographs were the only ones he was familiar with, she apologized. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I- Your drawing is very nice."

"It's alright, I understand where you were coming from. And thank you. I... I was wondering if I could keep it?"

She handed his sketchbook back to him, and in turn, he slid hers back. "Well, you drew it."

"I know. It's a drawing of you, so I just wanted to make sure it was okay."

"It is, as long as I get to keep yours?"

He smiled. "Deal." There was a short pause. "Would you... like to do something tomorrow? Maybe you can show me what wifi is," he tried joking.

Though he genuinely had no idea what wifi was. He assumed it was something to do with phones, but it was never explained to him.

"I have school tomorrow and quite a bit of homework," she replied with a frown. She thought for a bit, then unsurely asked, "Do you... have a phone number?"

He nodded and fished the flip phone out of his pocket. She looked at it endearingly and didn't say anything. She just flipped it open and somehow entered his number into her own phone, which looked much more futuristic than his.

"There. Now we can call each other if plans change."

Steve didn't know if getting another person's number meant anything these days, because very few people had telephones in the '30s. They weren't popular among the lower and middle class. So did it mean anything to have her number in this device of his? Was it a step forward in their relationship or was this a normal thing? He was so confused about the customs of the present.

He knew how to accept calls and messages, but he didn't know how to make or send them. Steve's schedule was clear for the weekend, it always was, and that's why he didn't mention it.

Back at his apartment, Steve was playing one of his favorite songs on his record player, the one that SHIELD left him. The beautiful voice of Jo Stafford filled his ears, giving him a sense of tranquility and peace of mind. He just wasn't ready to listen to the upbeat and fast-paced music of this time.

While the smooth jazz was drifting in the air, he carefully tore the picture he drew of y/n and placed it on the dining table. He decided he'd go and get a frame for it.

He drove his Harley to the store and bought a correct frame size, and he immediately framed the piece of paper and hung it on his wall.

That night, he had a dream. It was Peggy.

Usually, he'd be very happy to see her in his dreams, but she looked upset. So he asked her what was wrong.

"You're replacing me!" she yelled at him, shocking Steve with the tone of her voice. She had never yelled at him when he knew her.

"I'm not replacing you," he pleaded.

"Then why is her picture hung on your wall and not mine?" she continued to yell, "You are replacing me!"

"Peggy, no! I would never-"

"You are! You are! You are! You are! You a-"

That's when he woke up. It was still dark outside and he could have gone back to sleep, but the guilt that his dream had set in him forced him to go to where he hung his drawing.

Steve took it down and out of the frame, about it rip it in half. But one look into her eyes told him that he couldn't do it. Even though he knew he'd see her again in a couple of days, he couldn't bring himself to get rid of the only thing he had that allowed him to see her when she wasn't around.

So he stopped himself, took a few breaths, and put the picture in a drawer along with the frame. Out of sight as of then.

His rationality said that it was only a dream, and the guilt in him said that it was a sign. Peggy didn't deserve this. And he didn't deserve to move on from her so quickly.

Spiraling again, Steve spent the very early morning at the gym and stayed there till around noon.

The women he'd met before Peggy and the serum always looked at him like he was the scum of the earth. She was one of the only people to ever treat him with kindness and respect, let alone being a woman. Which shouldn't have mattered, but it did.

His mother, Bucky, Dr. Erskine, and Peggy were the only people that treated him like he had feelings before he got the serum. He was somebody to her. He couldn't just let that go.

Y/n was kind and thoughtful. She shared common interests with him and treated him the same, other than being more considerate, when he told her that he was Captain America as she did when she only knew him as, "Steve from art class".

The only reason he quit punching and decided to go get lunch was that his last punching bag broke off its hinges. Maybe he shouldn't punch so hard, or maybe he should get stronger chains, but he got some sort of satisfaction from the heavy thing snapping and hitting the ground a few feet away from him. So he never did anything about his little problem.

The wind on his motorcycle dried his sweat and the small amount of blood on his knuckles. He wore wraps, but somehow he bled through.

He ate lunch at a random diner and thought about his relationship with y/n.

He wasn't replacing Peggy with her. He would always love Peggy, but there was room in his heart to welcome another special person into his life. He really liked her, and he hoped to get to know her even better.

And who knows, maybe they could go on a couple more dates.

~~~~~~~

I watched the Spiderman No Way Home trailer the minute it came out and I ended up running laps every couple minutes for like 2 hours. I was so excited, still am.

I'm also making a stained glass Spiderman for an art class I'm taking :)