A Diamond in Islam | (Published) ✔

{20} Subtle Confessions

Amira Sarker

After I successfully dropped Meredith and Aria home, I headed back to my place. I couldn't help but think of Damon. His touch burned me, igniting an inner flame that awoken dormant desires. Every second that he was so close to me I felt my body go into alarms, warning me to step away.

I sighed, the things that boy did to me. How could something so wrong feel so right?

I was aching to be loved, to feel the comfort of a man's arms, to feel the gentle press of his lips, to be close to him in every possible way. It was almost as if I was open to the idea of breaking all the walls of moral beliefs I built up just to get with Damon. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't.

I had to be patient. Surely, the pure hearts were for the pure. I had to trust Allah. This was a test that I have to pass, but so far I looked pretty average.

I parked Tanwir's car and got out. I really hoped Tanwir kept good to his words because although I trusted my brother, there was a small tinge of fear for what he was capable of.

Oh Allah, please don't let his anger have controlled him while I was gone. Fear settled deep in my stomach as I unlocked the door. I felt guilty that I was thinking so low of my brother, but what if something bad happened?

"Assalamualaikum," I called out as I walked in and shut the door behind me.

"Amira?"

"Oh... uh... Mum?" I stuttered, realizing that I had been caught.

"Where were you?" she asked, suspiciously.

"I had to pick up some friends because they didn't have a ride."

"From where?"

"Uh... a person's house?"

"Whose house?"

Oh Allah, this feels like an interrogation.

"A classmate's. Don't worry. Nothing bad happened and I safely came home. I wasn't even gone too long. Less than an hour," I reassured her.

Mum stared at me with a hard gaze that made me shift in my position. Lord, she's scaring me.

"Amira, don't leave without telling me next time. It's not nice behavior," she sighed.

I looked at the ground. "I know."

"Go to bed now. We need to go to the hospital in the morning."

"How's Nanu?" I asked.

A look of despair crossed Mum's features. Her eyes dulled down and her lips were in a thin line. "The doctors don't know yet. They're still running tests."

"Oh."

Mum walked up the stairs and I followed after. Poor Nanu, he didn't deserve this. Neither did Mum.

I remembered how I used to sing nasheeds (Muslim songs) to Nanu whenever we went to Bangladesh. He took me to the marketplace and bought me anything in the bazaar. Even though I only saw him for two months every few years, I still felt a connection towards him.

I still had a strong love for him. He was a special person in my life that contributed to helping me become who I am today. Oh Allah, please protect and save him. Please help my Nanu.

I shut the door to my room and took my hijab off, changing into more comfortable clothes. I laid on my bed and pulled out my phone, feeling the urge to talk to Damon again.

Lucky for me, I had a new message from Damon. I bit my lip. I shouldn't talk to him anymore. I had to end this before these feelings grew even more. He didn't feel the same and he never would. I knew this, yet I kept hoping that it was a lie and he really did like me.