Carry

6

Shisui slammed the door behind him.

The room swayed in front of him; he felt as though he was on a tiny boat in the ocean during a hurricane.

He walked into the kitchen, and felt an odd combination of terror and relief to see Itachi wasn't there. Terror because he really needed him. Relief that he just didn't want to know whether Itachi would just ignore him like he'd done these last weeks despite Shiaui's current panicked state. He hadn't have been able to take it.

I can't do this... I can't do this...

He went to their spotless grey stone bathroom that encapsulates him like a cave. He suddenly felt the dark walls close in around him, press his body, making it feel like he was free-diving hundreds of metres below the surface.

He threw up. He hadn't eaten anything so he really just dry-retched. But it didn't stop. Tears were streaming down his face, the pain in the back of his throat excruciating.

Him and his doctor had done what they'd decided to do.

The result had surprised neither of them.

But he really hadn't known he would react like this.

He curled up into a ball on the floor, put his fingers in his hair and pulled.

He thought about the answer his doctor had finally given him.

I'm not the same.

I'm not the man Itachi fell in love with.

Then, he screamed.

Itachi didn't come home for another two hours, which gave Shisui plenty of time to recover. He brushed his teeth and showered. He even cooked some tomato omelette with beans to eat with orange juice. He didn't know where Itachi was because they had just stopped communicating, but he figured he was at the gym. Shisui tried to feel whether he felt any sadness regarding them not speaking. He didn't. He didn't feel anything anymore. He mindlessly twisted his engagement ring.

There was a key in the door, and his fiancé came home. He acted as if though Shisui wasn't there, and Shisui did the same. Itachi went to shower, and Shisui could hear him blow-dry and straighten his hair in the bathroom. When he came out, the long-haired man started getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" Shisui asked, their first piece of communication in a few days.

"Out", Itachi said simply.

"To do what?" Shisui hated how irritated he sounded. Oh, Itachi, my love, what have we become?

"Dance."

"With who?" Shisui hated the sound of his voice.

"Chris."

"Why do you not ask me?" Shisui asked. He could feel tears burn behind his eyes. He hated the control Itachi had over him when he was desperate like this.