Carry

8

They talked.

Until early morning, they talked.

Until the birds started singing into the crisp autumn day, they talked. 

"I know it's not what you imagined", Shisui muttered.

"I don't understand!" Itachi said forcefully, hugging his fiancé close. "Why did you think I would care?"

Shisui furrowed his brows. "You don't?"

Itachi grabbed his face. "Shisui, look at me! Does it seem as if I care?" Shisui remained silent. "I don't! And the fact that you thought I would leave you, or worse, that I would desire to leave you but would still stay with you out of pity is breaking my heart!"

"I'm sorry", Shisui said, looking at Itachi dead pan.

That was one thing Itachi loved about Shisui. When he apologised, he didn't look away. He didn't explain himself away or talk about how bad he felt to have hurt Itachi. He would just apologise and deal with Itachi's feelings.

"Of course I care that you have autism! I want to know how your brain works and how to best support you! Our first five years have been easy because you don't seem to have had any triggers in university. But we work now and I need to learn! You need to learn! But we don't have to obsess about it! You're still the same." Itachi softened, sat up, took Shisui into his embrace. Their rings glimmered in the morning light, as if they were speaking to each other. They were too big for the pair, but they did not want to be without them. "I'm honestly offended you thought I would have any issues with this, Shisui. Like, really, really hurt."

"I know I wasn't rational. I was just so very, very tired, I couldn't function." Shisui hugged Itachi close than where they lay next to each other, burying his face in Itachi's soft hair. "I love you and I'm so very, very sorry."

"And I feel absolutely terrible for what I said about how you should be able to deal with the bullying! I'm so sorry, Shisui!"

"I forgive you. Do you forgive me for disappearing?"

"Yes", Itachi said. "Yes."

And Shisui opened up his heart and his soul to Itachi once more.

Coming back took time.

Shisui was still tired, needing a few extra hours of sleep each day. He had explained to his colleagues about his diagnosis and how that had come from their pranks, and they had been very understanding, apologising profusely. They became close after that. Shisui even pulled a few pranks on them, revelling in the fact that they didn't dare do anything back anymore. Shisui decided to work only eighty percent, one of the best decisions he'd made for himself, he realised; he was a man who needed to work less than a nine-to-five workweek to function appropriately. He couldn't keep his rigorous exercise regime yet, but went to Zumba with Gai twice a week. Itachi happily cooked for them for now, but they did laundry and the cleaning of the apartment together once a week.

One thing that really surprised Shisui was how he was able to go back to his pre-diagnosis life. People kept telling him he needed to learn to live with his diagnosis, but he realised that wasn't the case for him; Shisui needed to learn to live with himself. And he gladly did, with Itachi by his side.

He kept going to his doctor. After while, he agreed with his her that he had made enough process that he didn't need the anymore, that he didn't need any further treatment. Shisui could provide for himself and take care of himself and his little family, consisting of himself and Itachi. He needed eight hours of sleep instead of five or six like before, but it was manageable. He was always welcome back, his doctor said, if he ever needed to.

Shisui would never need to.

After a year, on Itachi's twenty-fifth birthday, he tentatively brought up the question. Itachi had wished for a quiet birthday, just the two of them, and Shisui had spent the entire day yesterday baking him a carrot cake. Shisui was very good at cooking and baking, but he was a very messy cook and pastry chef, and Itachi had come home from work last night to something that looked like an explosion in the kitchen. The cake, however, was heavenly, two-layered with cream cheese frosting in between and on top, even a layer of condensed milk caramel and orange marmalade in between the two sponges, topped with chopped pistachios and red cocktail berries. They were sitting at the kitchen table, eating the cake with oat milk, amicably talking about anything and everything when Shisui brought it up.

"Itachi..." Itachi looked up. Sensing the change of tone in the conversation, he stopped chewing, and Shisui thought he looked adorable with his cheeks full of cake. "I..." He looked down. "I read something today." He suddenly became very aware of the weight of the ring on his hand. It had been too big for him for a while when he lost weigh, but now fit him perfectly once more. As did Itachi's ring. He looked up at Itachi then, determination in his eyes. "I read that when you marry someone, everything changes. Being somebody's boyfriend or fiancé is one thing. But being someones husband..." Shisui looked down again. "I want to marry you, Itachi." He suddenly felt a little shy, scared that Itachi would be hesitant. He had been a piece of work, he couldn't help but think. As had Itachi. "And not just to have a wedding. I want to marry you to be married to you. I want to be your husband."

Shisui dared look up, and in that moment, Itachi saw the raw fear in his fiancé's eyes. He knew Shisui's fear about Itachi leaving him because of his autism had been exchanged to a fear about Itachi leaving him because of everything they'd said to each other.

Itachi couldn't help but smile, melting a little. The old, confident Shisui, who could talk to anyone about anything, who ploughed through life with ease, who made a trail of friends wherever he went, who wore outrageous outfits for his Zumba classes, had come back this last year, although slightly more timid than before. But now, a glimmer of the hesitant Shisui that had formed with his autism diagnosis showed. And Itachi loved that man. 

Itachi took his plate of cake (it was too good to leave behind, no matter the gravity of the conversation), walked around the table and sat in Shisui's lap, one leg on either side.

"Shisui", Itachi said. He thought about that time in the night club, when that nerdy man had danced up to him. "I have never hesitated on our engagement. Not once." Shisui looked at Itachi with clear eyes. There was a wiseness in them, Itachi thought then. He didn't think it was new; he just hadn't noticed before. It didn't speak of the wiseness of a long and harsh life, but it did speak of an empathy, of an understanding, of a sensitivity to those around him that Itachi understood was very, very rare. In that moment, he loved Shisui more than ever. He took a spoonful of cake, shoved it into Shisui's mouth. "If you hadn't asked me now, I would've asked you."

Itachi expected that huge grin that was so typical of him to form on Shisui's face. Itachi expected Shisui to lift Itachi up and spin him around. Itachi expected Shisui's laugh to fill the room's every corner like syrup.

But Shisui burst into tears.

"Shisui!" Itachi said, horrified. Shisui hugged Itachi close then, burying his face into his chest. Itachi became very worried; he hadn't seen Shisui cry since he had been so terrible ill. "Shisui, what's wrong?"

Shisui snivelled, dried his nose with the sleeve on his long-sleeved navy T-shirt.

"Can we have carrot cake for our wedding?" he asked with a hiccup.

Itachi grinned like a madman, him for once being the sun, the man he was going to marry the moon.