The Worst of Times

Chapter 1

"IS ME!" I screamed and jumped roughly.

"This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me. Like this. This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me." John rapped, somewhat awkwardly. He loved rap music but he wasn't the greatest rapper himself.

"LIKE THIS!" I screamed again, rage spilling out of me.

"This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me." John continued, an eye on me.

"LIKE THIS!"

"This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me. Like This." He looked at me again, signaling me to go.

"You!" I sang, closing my eyes.

"No turning back now!"

"I wanna be pushed aside so let me go!"

"No, no turning back now!"

"Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone."

"No turning back now."

"Anywhere on my own cause I can see."

"No, no turning back now."

"The very worst part of you, the very worst part of you is me." I finished, a small growl being added in at the end. John cheered and the other guys left their instruments.

"I think saving your ass and selling you that weed was the best thing I've ever done." John grinned and I laughed but rolled my eyes.

"Chaz, that fucking rocked! You wrote a great song, number one hit!" Our drummer, Sean, beamed and I felt pride running through me.

"Can I show them the poster now?" Bobby asked excitedly and John laughed but nodded. He was basically the leader of our band.

Bobby grabbed a poster that said:

'Grey Daze
Come and see our fucking perfect vocalist, Chester in our next performance! Don't forget Sean and all his friends will be there too!
~Sean, Chester, Dave, Bobby, John~'

I couldn't help but laugh a little. Bobby's our guitarist and Dave is our bassist. It felt kind of weird that Dave is our bassist when my old friend Phoenix's actual name is Dave and also plays bass. It was hard to accept that for a while. Apart of me wishes it was the Dave I knew. I missed those guys. I hadn't talked to any of them after Mike broke up with me.

"Come on, Ches." John grinned, putting an arm around my shoulder and leading me out of the band room, also known as John's garage. He owned his own house and we tended to hang out here often. "Shoot up?"

"No, I told you I don't want to go that far." I said softly and he smiled but prepared himself a needle. I tensed. "Please don't shoot up, you get really angry."

"It's fine, Chaz. You know I'd never hurt you." He purred and I sighed, rubbing an old bruise he caused last time he shot up. I didn't tell him what he did in his high state because I feared it would ruin the band.

"Please-" Before I could ask him not to again, he already shot up. It'd take a few minutes for it to go into effect so he laid back. I sighed and took out a bag of coke from my pocket and tried to quickly make a line. It would numb the pain that would most likely come.

"I don't get you, Chaz. You won't shoot up but you're snorting that coke like you live on that shit. Say, how come you only do coke when I shoot up?" He asked after I sat back and rubbed my nose. I stiffened at the question but knew he wouldn't remember this anyway.

"Because you fucking beat me every time you do heroine! You've fucked the shit out of me more than once and you didn't even remember!" I shouted and the other guys came in and dragged me out of the house before John could react.

"Chaz, be careful. He'll fucking beat the shit out of you again if you do that." Sean growled and I sighed, sitting down on the floor in the garage.

"I hope he beats me to death." I snapped and Sean sat by my side and put an arm around my shoulders.

"Come on now-"

"No! You guys know what he does to me and none of you try and stop him!" I shouted and Sean clamped a hand over my mouth and hugged me tightly.

"Chazzy-Chaz, you know we love you, man. Especially John. He really does love you, he doesn't mean it." He tried and I sighed in defeat. He moved his hand and I sat my head on his shoulder.

After Mike broke up with me, I went straight to John. I needed the weed to make me feel better and that's what he gave me. He said if I was his boyfriend, I'd never have to pay for weed or be hurt like that. Then I said: "Okay, let's do that." He had grinned and said: "Well let's fuck to make it official." And it went from there. I pose as his boyfriend as he poses as mine, he fucks me when he wants to, and I get weed. It feels like a win/win solution. Kind of.

Okay, not really. I hate this. I hate our deal and I want out. He beats me every time he does heroine and fucks me even when I say no. It's disastrous. Sean has always been there though to help piece me back together. He became my best friend once I broke off all contact with Mike, Phoenix, Brad, Rob, and Joe. I really missed those guys.

The rest of my junior year went by somewhat smoothly with John as my boyfriend. He'd defend me whenever anyone tried to hurt me or say something about me.

The worst part about John isn't even the beatings, it's how clingy he is and how jealous he gets. If anyone talked to me who wasn't in our band or Sam, he'd freak out and both the person and me. He's always talking about how if Mike came back, he'd beat the shit out of him. That really scares me because I still love Mike.

I had only attempted suicide two other times since Mike left me. One was around the time he broke it off and the other was when I was sick of John's beatings.

The bullying completely stopped at school this senior year because of John. He graduated but everyone knew that if I told him anything about anyone, he'd get them for it.

I felt extremely lonely. My boyfriend was always drugged up and would beat me, my friends only want me in their band, and Samantha's still fucking random guys every night of the week.