GOOD ₄ U °ʜʏᴜɴɢᴡᴏɴʜᴏ°

Well, Screw That And Screw You

It was like a punch in the stomach. 
 
A simple text, one that Hyungwon hadn't been expecting. Times have been hard enough lately, ever since Hoseok moved from the dorm just like Minkyun did in No Mercy. In silence, while they were gone, with only a letter on the members' beds. After that, 6 months had passed without any sightings of Wonho, three long months that Hyungwon only survived because of hope. He was hoping that Hoseok would come back, hoping that he would talk to him again. As soon as the legal thing would be done, Hoseok would be free to come back, right? So Hyungwon kept hoping, watching his cellphone every single day in hope he would see a text. Maybe, maybe he did cry a lot at night, missing his boyfriend's warmth and the late-night talks. The kisses, the hugs, the laughs. 
 
Until he woke up one morning and rubbed his eyes, the light of his phone being way too bright for his liking. However, in the notification bar, a text. From Hoseok. 
 
Hyungwon's heart jumped in his chest and he quickly jumped to answer. Already, in his head, many scenarios were playing, but none of them were even a bit close to what the text was actually about.
 
"We should end it there."
 
Nothing more. No explanations, no "hi, how are you?" not even any prequel indicating why the fuck Hoseok was saying that. It was truly like being punched in the stomach. Stabbed, even, and Hyungwon felt his heart break into a million little pieces. Everything was suddenly blurry, and the singer couldn't breathe anymore. He didn't understand, why?! Why should they end it here when everything was going to be okay?! Why couldn't Hoseok also grasp the tiny hope Hyungwon managed to have for him? For them? Did they even mean anything to him, or it was too tiring to hold on and he preferred going away?
 
Hot tears started to fall down his cheeks, and Hyungwon clung to his phone. After a while, when he felt he could breathe again, he only sent a simple response. One that just screamed all his confusion.
 
"Why?"
 
And he hoped that Hoseok would at least explain himself. Tell him something; sure, it would hurt, but he could take it. He would rather have been said, "I don't like you anymore, go fuck yourself" or anything else, really, other than having no answers. He wanted to scream at the boy to give him a reason.
 
Sadly, Hoseok never answered any of his questions. What he replied was:
 
"I'm sorry." 
 
And that was it. They didn't talk anymore, not until a bit after the release of fantasia. They were celebrating the release, Hyungwon drinking a beer on their sofa while Hyunwoo happily said that Hoseok could come to see them tonight. After such a long time!
 
But after, the boys all turned to him and sent him a sorry look. Hyungwon dismissed it, looking away, and though he knew, nothing could have properly prepared him to see Hoseok again. 
 
They smiled at each other, politely. Hoseok looked guilty, but Hyungwon didn't say anything. That was it, again. Even if they eventually talked again, there was a weird ambiance. Some tension. 
 
So here they were. Hoseok was coming over to have dinner, and Hyungwon was left staring at the window. He always told himself that he didn't mind anymore, dismissed any possibility that he still liked his ex, but he knew that the others knew. Everyone knew Hyungwon still loved Hoseok as if he never wanted to move on, and anger was bubbling in his chest. He could even feel the tears starting to pool at the corner of his eyes, but what could he do? Scream at Hoseok that the older man was being a dick, pretending that it never happened between them. As if he didn't tell him, once upon a time, that he was the one and only. The love of Wonho's life, a guy whom he would give the world to.
 
Screw you, you fucking filthy liar. Go fuck yourself.
 
That's what he would have thought if he could even resent Hoseok. Well, a part of him did, but...He still loved him. He loved him too much, and that was the problem. Hyungwon couldn't get past the memories; the kisses, the hugs, the everything. The way Hoseok smiled when he was happy or the way he would laugh when Hyungwon told bad jokes. His cute little texts or just the way he would cuddle the visual at night. Just to think his ex had moved on so easily, just like he didn't exist...It was the most painful thing he had ever experienced. It felt like an experience, one that Hoseok decided he was done with and scrapped it all. After all, he kind of understood, because who could love someone like him? Someone so talentless, so clingy, awkward, weird...The only thing Hyungwon had for himself was a pretty face, and it's not like he was that beautiful either. With his awkward and lanky body, he was weird-looking, and he couldn't blame Hoseok for wanting to get away with someone better. More interesting, smarter, prettier...Oh, how he wished he had moved on too, just as he pretended so vehemently.
 
Hyungwon's heart ached horribly, and he stopped himself from crying with an arm over his face. And just as he was getting ready to go to the bathroom, take a shower to change his mind, the bell rang. 

Hoseok was here, and he couldn't escape it now. Just another night to act as if everything was alright when he'd rather disappear; it couldn't be that bad, right?
 
Or so, he liked to believe.