WARRIORS: He Was What I Wasn't

15

Wingedpaw quickly found Slinkpaw gnawing on a rabbit, her muzzle flecked with tufts of rabbit fur as she ate hungrily. As he drew closer to her, Slinkpaw looked up, her gaze of content suddenly becoming hateful. "What are you doing?" she meowed, her voice beginning to growl. She stood up and stepped over her rabbit. "I told you to stay away."

"There's no other fresh-kill in the pile," Wingedpaw meowed. He hadn't actually checked it, and he inwardly hoped that he was right. Slinkpaw raised a brow and looked behind him.

"There is," she meowed, her voice flat. "Get your own prey."

"You didn't really answer my question from before. Why do you push everyone away?" Wingedpaw pressed. A part of him wanted to take another step, but seeing Slinkpaw and her intense glare, he figured it would be better not to. 

"If I get close to anyone, they'll follow me or do something frog-brained when I leave," Slinkpaw snorted, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter if I tell them or not, they'll do it. Now leave?"

Wingedpaw frowned at her, looking at the rabbit again. "You can't even share prey with a clanmate?" Slinkpaw glared at him, and for a moment, he was convinced that she would stand her ground and insist on him getting a new piece from the fresh-kill pile. Much to his surprise, she instead backed down and scooted over, giving him room.

"No talking, though," she warned, eyeing him dangerously. Wingedpaw looked at her, still confused about her plans. She's going to leave us. He took a seat next to her and began to take his fill, deciding to avoid her gaze. Leave me. And to prepare, she's pushing everyone away. Slinkpaw didn't say anything, and he figured it would be wiser to also keep his mouth shut.  But why leave when she could stay and make things better here? Make the clan more welcoming, like she so wants to? He took another bite. Maybe we're all cowards deep down inside.

---

Wingedpaw found his brother, Pebblepaw, walk out of the apprentice den. Moonpaw was behind him, her gaze searching the camp. Pebblepaw's already working to better MangroveClan after whatever Dioritestar did to it. He felt comforted at the fact that his brother would bring good fortune to their clan, and that, with luck, they would survive AlabasterClan. Maybe one day, Pebblepaw would be Pebblestar. You can change too, a voice in his head whispered. You can be a leader, too. You can be better. Wingedpaw looked at Slinkpaw, confused. Who had said that?

Slinkpaw only eyed him back, her gaze showing nothing. Then, she turned back to the rabbit and continued to tear more chunks out of its flesh. Wingedpaw frowned, looking away. That wasn't her voice. Besides, Pebblepaw was born for greatness. He was always confident. I'm the support. That's what father calls me. I'm not brave like him, so I'll help him to be brave.

"Are you going to eat?" Slinkpaw meowed, snapping him out of his thoughts. Wingedpaw looked up at her, unable to reply for a moment. Then, he found his voice.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about the trap. Do you think we'll get a prisoner?"

"Do you think cats will stay and fight to be the bait?"

Wingedpaw didn't have an answer for that.

---

"Warriors and apprentices of MangroveClan!" Dioritestar called. An hour or two had passed since Wingedpaw woke up, which had been around dawn. Now, it was morning, and the sun shone brightly, beating down on the trees above. Thankfully, the foliage blocked many of the sun's rays, leaving only a humid, yet cool, forest beneath. Dapples scattered the camp floor as cats began to gather around. Wingedpaw had long ago finished his meal, leaving Slinkpaw to gnaw at the bones. Since then, a thought inside of himself had emerged. Maybe he would be lucky enough to stay and be a part of the cats that would be guarding the camp.

Still, his hopes were low. "As you know, we can't leave our camp completely undefended. For this, a couple of you will be able to stay. These will be the slowest of the slowest runners. Moonpaw, Pouncefoot, and my deputy, Batjump, will remain in camp. The rest of us, move out! Be ready to run and fight, your clan depends on this to work." Dioritestar turned around and began to head for the camp entrance. Wingedpaw looked around as the three cats that had been chosen to stay breathed a huge sigh of relief. Batjump, he noticed, only seemed to relax slightly. Perhaps she does care for this clan, he thought to himself. Unlike many others.

Around him, some of the cats slowly began to follow Dioritestar. Others needed coaxing from their clanmates, but soon, Wingedpaw found himself walking in the dappled forest. The fronds swayed in the slight breeze, swishing and causing his fur to stand on end. He didn't want to die today. And he most certainly didn't want to be in the bait patrol, left alone to however many vicious AlabasterClan warriors there were. Three? Five? More? He couldn't be sure. I'll just have to run fast. I can do that, right? 

He shuddered. He had to face the truth. MangroveClan cats weren't fast runners, especially not in these dense swamps and jungles. There was nowhere to run, and no need to run. They were made to dodge underneath roots and climb the trees, fight through the sharp leaves that threatened to cut, and swim through the ponds. Not run.

Wingedpaw watched as Fallendrift took the lead beside Pebblepaw as Dioritestar fell back. With dread, he realized that his father was trying to talk to him. After a few moments, the two were walking side by side. Wingedpaw sneaked a glance at Dioritestar, and he only found fear flickering beneath a confident expression. As usual, hiding. What a coward. 

"You didn't walk beside me for any regular reason, did you?" Wingedpaw meowed, deciding that the silence between them was far too long.

"No," Dioritestar admitted. They didn't look at each other as they walked, instead, focusing their eyes ahead. Towards danger. "I know the challenge I assigned you was hypocritic. I'm not brave either."

Wingedpaw said nothing. Dioritestar took this as a chance to continue, "but ever since that day you saved Slinkpaw even in the face of fear, and that conversation that we had with Pebblepaw...I realized something."

"And what would that be?"

"I've been a coward my entire life. Since I was born, I looked to my leader, my mentor, my parents to do everything for me. Even now, when I have power, I don't use it to help those who rely on me." Wingedpaw looked at Dioritestar briefly before turning away again, deciding to keep silent. "And I've been too afraid to do anything because of, well, fear. I let it stop me. And look where that's gotten me. I'm a leader with a clan that doesn't support me, and I even question my clanmates' loyalty."

"So then you know that no one will stay and fight today," Wingedpaw finally spoke. 

Dioritestar looked at the ground, silent for a moment. Then, he meowed, "Yes. I always knew." He looked ahead at the approaching end of MangroveClan territory. "Don't rely on others, Wingedpaw. Sometimes, you yourself must be the one." With that, Dioritestar trotted ahead, taking the lead again. Wingedpaw looked after him, unsure of what words his father had just said to him. He's still scared, he noted, remembering the constant flicker of fear inside of Dioritestar's eyes. Yet now, he won't hide anymore. He'll be playing a part in today's trap, not staying at camp.  

But I can't possibly be like him, Wingedpaw thought. No one would stay today, no one in the clan. Slinkpaw didn't care enough for it, and Pebblepaw would be sure to run to the front of the group to lead everyone towards the Twisting Roots. What about you? He almost stopped his walking at the thought. What about me? If no one else will stay, I'll be one cat against who knows how many. How can I stay? But I have to, don't I? MangroveClan's fate might as well rely on me. He shut his eyes, unable to think about it any longer. I'm not ready.