Things & Thoughts

Green

Green. Dark green. That's his colour.

Dark green. Like the colour of the leaves of the trees in a dark forest. His presence makes it come up to me. Closer and closer. It's as thick as fog, surrounding and enclosing me until I get dizzy and close my eyes.

Then, moments with him flash before my eyes. Him on top of me. His hand under my shirt. The worst thing to be reminded of is his face. His ugly face. He was smirking, he knew exactly what he was doing. And his eyes, those brown eyes? I can't tell what they said to me. But they made, still make me feel powerless.

Powerless. The worst feeling you can have. Seeing him, being confronted with him everyday. Seeing his face, laughing, talking, being focused. Everytime I see it, I wonder what goes on in his head.

Did all of that even happen? Or am I just going crazy? He never looks at me, as if nothing happened, as if I don't even exist. His two-faced ego makes me hesitate about everything, even reality. Is that face I saw, that smirking face with those empty eyes, the same as that laughing face others see everyday?

And then the gloom hits. The green fog comes up to me. It starts with a strong presence. Then, it increases, gets thicker and thicker and nearer and nearer. It covers everything, everything that is to be seen and heard. Except him. All I can hear is him talking, laughing, putting up that stupid face like a mask everyday. I see his eyes, empty, in front of me and I start to feel more and more powerless as they come closer.

What am I supposed to do? I know I can't do anything about it. He controlled me and still does. It frustrates me.

But all I can do is sit there and let the fog come and overwhelm me while he's talking, playing cards and having fun. If I could, I'd run up to him, grab him by the neck and rip off that stupid mask. Make sure everyone knows how he really is. Make sure he knows I'm not powerless. Make sure he's aware of what he did.

But I know I can't. I'm powerless. I can't fight the Green.