Thoughts

Gazes

I was thinking some time ago and I realized that, at least me, I have always kept a look we had my crush and I, a look that if you see it from another perspective, if you see it from the past, it can show you what the relationship has always been. 

Fifth grade, some inocent children. No knowledge of love, neather of heartbreak. A gaze that made me feel known, visible, important. Then, some stares continue, filled with kids love. Adults call it "foolish love". I don't think it is. I think that the most pure look I had ever had, it trasnported me to another place, to feel loved even if it wasn't in the romantic way. The first time I experienced something like that.

Seventh grade, a boy that I locked eyes with when I was going downstairs. A gaze that had a need to be loved a need to be with me even if I was his secret. A gaze that at that moment hid a hole world of emotions to me.

Second grade, a boy that was my actual couple but I was unlucky. That gaze that tells me now that he didn't love me, he only desired me. Most people say that this is actually better than love, however, it is not when one of you two is in love with the other. When you look back you can remember friendship looks when you didn't have a clue that it was all about to end much before you thought. But, romantic looks? Oh no, there aren't any of those. I felt used but at least I know that with the age I have I have been capable of loving someone. 

And now, when I am the most destroyed I still keep a gaze, not a love  one. But one that it's always going to stay in my mind. Two strangers, almost known, but not close enough to be friends. A stare of mutual understanding, winning and  joy. A stare of "Ha, what's me. I won" and a stare from one of those two teenagers "silly."

It's incredible how a look can keep memories. How a laugh can too. So as tears. Memories are always inside us, neverthless, we decide. To keep them or not.