A Replacment

I will always return

As exhausting as today was, the second I got into bed, I couldn't get a wink of sleep. I looked over to see if Kiki was having the same problem. Nope. The surfer girl is out like a light. I fluff out my pillow and lay my head back down. That didn't work. I adjusted the blankets to make them more comfortable. That didn't help either. Finally I just sigh and throw the covers off me, but making sure not to disturb Kiki, though I doubt anything could wake her up at this rate, I've been tossing and turning all night.

I head downstairs to the kitchen to try and find something that'll help me sleep. I don't understand, my body is tired but my thoughts are all over the place. I scratch my head tiredly as I enter the kitchen. I search the cupboards for some tea, only to find that it's all gone. Great. Now what am I going to do?

I put my hands on the table and tap my finger, trying to think about what I'm going to do next. I look around the kitchen to find something to eat, but all there is is bread, peanut butter and jelly. Might as well make myself a sandwich, I also need to go shopping soon. I walk around the house munching on my sandwich, when I remember something. When I was little and I couldn't sleep, mom would sing me a song, and it always worked. I think I remember the words. I quickly finish my sandwich and go to the living room to sing my mother's song.

I hear the wind call my name

The sound that leads me home again

It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns

To you I will always return

I sing softly, remembering every word.

I know the road is long but where you are is home

Wherever you stay - I'll find a way

I'll run like the river, I'll follow the sun

I'll fly like an eagle to where I belong

I remember my mother's voice, and how she always used to sing it.

I can't stand the distance - I can't dream alone

I can't wait to see you - yes I'm on my way home

I pause for a moment. This next part always made me cry, and even though it's been years since I've heard it, I still feel the tears coming. I sing the next part quietly.

Now I know it's true

My every road leads to you

And in the hour of darkness

Your light gets me through

My voice gets stronger with each word, and by the end of the second verse, I find myself singing with all my heart, and with all my soul.

You run like the river - you shine like the sun

You soar like an eagle

You are the one

I've seen every sunset

And with all that I've learned

Oh, it's to you I will always, always return.

I wiped my eyes to rid myself of my tears. Though my mother sung that song at night to get me to sleep, she also sung it to me every time before her and my dad went away on a business trip, promising to always come back, no matter what.

My parents were gone a lot, and always left me home with a nanny, but when they were home, they spent as much time as they could with me. Those were some of the best times of my life.

My mother wrote that song just for me, because I used to get so scared that they wouldn't come back, so she'd sing it to me right before they left, and it always calmed me down, and always brought me comfort, because I knew they'd return. And every year, for seven years of my life, they did. Until one day, on my eighth birthday.

My nanny told me after breakfast. I ran downstairs to the living room to see if they were waiting for me. When I didn't see them, I thought that they were just hiding somewhere, and were going to jump out and surprise me. So I ran to every corner of the house, looking for them, hoping to see big smiles on their faces, kind of smiles they only got when they were around me. My nanny caught me looking around the house, and told me to sit down. I ate quickly and quietly, expecting them to come after I was done. When I was, my nanny sat down next to me, and told me that my parent's wouldn't be coming home this time. They had died in a car accident on the way home.

For days I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. I mean, my parents taught me everything when they were home. They taught me how to sing, dance, surf. We would play games, go outside, watch movies. They were the ones who showed me Wet Side Story. It was our favorite movie.

But after the funeral, I realized, there would be no more of that.

A week later I went to go live with Ms. Hilga. I said goodbye to my nanny, and thanked her for taking care of me.

It was hard for a few months, but eventually, as the years went by, I started to heal. I started to sing, and dance and surf again, all the things I knew my parent's would want me to keep doing.

Over the years, I've become very scared of letting someone get close to me, for fear of losing them. That's also probably the reason I fell in love with a character from a movie, because that's just what he is: a character from a movie. And also because I think he's totally hot. But it also gets very lonely, not having any friends, or someone to talk to, especially with girls my age.

Which is why I think I'd be better off in the movie world than the real world. Everything is perfect, no sadness or heartbreak, and you can make friends easily.

I yawn and then realize how tired I am. Either the song worked, or all these thoughts and memories made me tired.

I walk upstairs and climb into bed. One last thought comes into my head before I go to sleep.

I forgot to watch Wet Side Story...

The song Nikki sings is I Will Always Return by Bryan Adams, from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.