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The holidays have always been tough. From the political screaming matches to the copious amounts of food that flooded the table, things could get messy really fast. This year was different though. It's your first thanksgiving at the coven and more importantly, your first holiday season with Cordelia.
The other girls were really excited and I guess you could say you were too. Key word; were. The thought of having a break from college and teaching at the coven sounded so appealing. Being able to just spend time with the girls and Cordelia without the stress of everyday life was perfect. But then you started thinking. You always had to think too far. You see, life back home was hard to say the least. Your parents neglected you and your siblings during this time of the year for a bottle of whiskey and gin. They'd totally forget about the true meaning of the holiday and instead, used it as an excuse to get drunk. A peaceful evening turned chaotic in the end. Long lectures and loud screaming left you burrowed in your covers every year with a tear stained face. But this year had to be different -- right?
Thanksgiving day has now arrived. Upon thinking about your family, you felt very anxious for this evening. Questions swarmed your mind: What if someone starts to yell? Will they ask about my family? What if I say something stupid and embarrass myself in front of everyone? But one question stood apart from the rest -- What am I supposed to eat? You haven't told anyone you were struggling, not even your lover. Everyday was the same. The same rules. The same restrictions. The same disgusting habit. You'd wake up dizzy and pale. Never touching anything with too many calories because god forbid if you gained a few pounds. Some days it was hard to maintain under 1000 calories. For example, Cordelia wanted to get lunch with you or coven dinners. In those cases you'd spend hours in the bathroom doing the same routine; throw it up, look in the mirror and degrade yourself, sob into your hands silently, repeat.
Today was going to be hard.
As you walk into the kitchen you're met with strong scents of the meal that'll take place later in the evening. You're absolutely nauseated. Panic started to settle in your lower belly but you quickly swallowed the feeling and pushed it far away. You've done so much to prepare for tonight. You went and ran a few miles around town and haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. You felt ready. You step in the kitchen and see everyone wandering around trying to prepare their given dish. As you walk around, you scan your options for food. Everything is either doused in a pound of butter or has too many calories. The room starts to spin at the mere thought of consuming any of it. You settle your eyes on the green beans that are set aside for later, that's it. After aimlessly walking around the kitchen, you approach Cordelia.
"Hey there," you whisper, tentatively wrapping your arms around her sides.
"Well hello, my darling girl," she giggles back, arms resting atop of yours securely, "You ready for tonight, lovely?"
You hesitate at the question. Of course you're not ready! You lay your chin over her shoulder, humming in fake content before answering with meek "yes".
"I'm excited. It's nice to have a break and spend time with the girls," she states, spinning around in your arms to face you, "I'm going to get ready. Join me?"
A small smile appears on your lips. You gently peck her cheek before responding back, "Anything for you, love bug."
And with that, she tugs you up the stairs in a frenzy.
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Now freshly showered and dressed in a nice green pantsuit, you look in the mirror. You take a shallow breath followed by a deep one. You're nervous. That's probably an understatement. Cordelia walks up behind you and stares into your eyes through the mirror. She places a soft kiss at your temple as she whispers softly.
"You look so beautiful, sweetheart."
A light blush brushes across your cheeks as she pulls away from the embrace.
"Let's go eat," she smiles through her words. Your heart drops when you hear her say that. You weren't as ready as you anticipated you'd be. Cordelia senses your hesitation and takes your hands into hers.
"What's wrong sweet girl?" she asks slowly, "Is everything alright?"
Your breath hitches. What's wrong is that you couldn't do it. You couldn't just act normal and eat. The calories. The small talk. Your parents. Everything seemed to be mocking you. Your gaze fixates to your lap. You can't tell her. What if she gets upset? What if she thinks you're disgusting? What if she doesn't want to be with a person who can't even eat on their own? All of a sudden you feel a hesitant hand at the base of your chin.
"Can you look at me Y/N?"
Nodding your head, you fix your gaze to Cordelia's soft, brown eyes. You take a deep breath, ready to explain yourself, when you feel a lump forming in your throat. You can't tell her. Not now.
"Hey, honey, can you tell me what's running through that beautiful mind of yours?" Cordelia asks, tilting her head slightly to the side.
"Nothing. It's nothing Delia, I'm okay. I'm just a little nervous. Haven't been away from my family for the holidays ever, that's all," you try to explain. The lie stings your throat but you just can't tell her. You see as a soft smile plays on her lips. She believes you.
"Oh, my sweet girl, I understand. I promise I'll be right here the whole time," she replies back, "Now, I believe we're being waited upon. Shall we?"
You nod your head. Of course everything will be fine. Feeling a bit guilty for lying to your lover about something so important, you hesitantly take her hand and guide her down the stairs.
------------------------------ AN: ahhhhh! i kinda suck at writing, but it's fine. i'm really nervous that no one's gonna see this. anyways, suggestions are open and part 2 will be out soon
