Insecurities (Professor Lupin)

Chapter Three

They continued their conversations in the dead of night for a few weeks until one night, Professor Lupin wasn't in his office. Madeleine paid it no mind, heading straight outside for the black lake. It wasn't until the sun started to rise that she started to panic, gathering herself and making a beeline for the castle, but stopping when something caught her attention. She stood behind a rock, just out of the way as Lupin moved as fast as he could towards the castle, which didn't seem to be very fast. She noticed blood, but didn't approach him, more fearful of his reaction to being caught, than his reaction of her being out. She hid behind the rock long after he was gone, sorting through the possibilities of what it could have been. At the top of the list was that he was attacked. At the bottom was something less favourable. She headed for breakfast, sitting in silence as her friends eventually joined her. "Mads you weren't in bed. Where the hell were you?"
"Doing something. Don't worry about it." It was the first time she'd ever been short with her friends, but whatever was going on with Professor Lupin, was none of her business and not her secret to tell. So she didn't tell anyone. He had been off for two days, his classes covered by Professor Snape. She paid it no mind until he announced the homework. A detailed essay about Werewolves. The less favourable option just moved up a great amount in her list. Mads studied werewolves to the best of her ability that night, taking note that the night she had seen Professor Lupin out had been the morning after a full moon, but it only resulted in her becoming frustrated over the lack of research put into them. That's exactly what her essay stated.
When Remus returned, he was landed with a large pile of completed homeworks. One look at the first name told him it was Madeleine's year, and a second look shot an ice cold fear through him. Severus had made them study werewolves and how to detect one. He flipped through each one which was seemingly standard, stopping when he came to one, longer than the rest. He read through it before looking up at the name scratched on the top. Mads Jones. He smiled and shook his head, waiting for the next class to burst through his door, smiling when eventually, Madeleine joined the rest of her class.
Remus watched how often Madeleine looked at him. She seemed to be thinking, so he didn't ask her questions and he tried not to think about her. He couldn't help it. When she noticed him looking, she always smiled, one that he had only ever seen reserved for her friends. So when finally he dismissed the class, he pulled her essay from the stack and called out. "Miss Jones, stay for a moment please."
Madeleine's whole body froze. Maybe he hadn't taken too well to her essay after all. She approached his desk slowly, as if she moved too fast she'd startle him and he would shout at her, but Remus sat patiently waiting for her to approach and be comfortable. When she was, He held up her essay. "Can you explain this please?"
"Which part?"
"All of it," He was in awe. Not only had she completed the assay to a better standard than he'd ever seen, but she had thrown some very controversial opinions in there. "You stated that you cannot understand why there is such little research on werewolves, that you don't understand why they are treated as 'less than' I believe is the phrase you used. You think they're just like everyone else."
Madeleine tilted her head slightly to the side in confusion. "Professor, they are like everyone else. They just don't have life as easy as everyone else." Professor Lupin looked away and Mads watched his face fill with shame.
"They are not like everyone else."
At this point, Madeleine was sure. Professor Lupin's shame may as well be a signed confession in her eyes. "Yes you are Professor."
Remus didn't know what to do. He would have to leave, right now. She was probably disgusted with the thought of standing so close to him and his desk, simply saying such things because she thought it would soothe him and it wouldn't put her in danger, but when he looked back up, she just had a soft smile on her face. She watched him, watched all the thoughts that flew through his head. "I won't tell anyone Professor."
Remus couldn't believe this. She should be running as fast as she could out of the building and away from him. To all her friends to warn them of the great beast in their classroom. "Why?"
"You're a person. That's all you've ever been. That's all you'll ever be"
"How did you know?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but he had to ask anyway. She seemed willing to satisfy his curiosity about how she knew, sitting in a chair and telling him that she had seen him running to the castle with some bad bleeding over his arms and chest. She pointed to one on his hand, which was now a dull silver, just like the rest of of them. He placed his other hand over it, hoping to hide it, but when he looked up, Madeleine just looked disappointed. She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face before standing.
"I have to go Professor, but I wouldn't worry about me telling anyone. I don't tell David and Lucy everything about my life" she gave him a quick, awkward wave before heading down the classroom, disappearing out the door and leaving Remus alone with his thoughts. He should have been worried, but after spending a month and half meeting each other almost every night, with the exception of a few that she'd been able to fall asleep, he was confident that she wouldn't tell anyone. However, he had more pressing matters to deal with, such as the feeling in his stomach when Madeleine had smiled at him so kindly and told him that he was no different from anyone else and when she showed up for tea at night. He wasn't sure what it was, but it needed to stop.
Madeleine sat on her bed that night, not wanting to disturb Professor Lupin any further. She decided to pick up her old habit, gently shaking Lucy awake. She stepped back as Lucy sat up, wiping her eyes. "What time is it and where are we going?"
The girls moved through the corridors silently, walking further along the grass instead of sitting at the black lake where they normally did. "What's with the new seats? Something wrong with black lake?"
"Lupin caught me out of bed twice over there."
"Twice? Merlin Mads you used to be good at sneaking out."
"I am. He probably saw me leaving. He's always up late."
Lucy accepted this answer, but became worried that the new teacher would now catch them and not show them as much kindness as he had shown Madeleine. "How come you don't get in trouble?"
"He doesn't think I should get in trouble for nightmares."
"Huh. I guess he isn't half bad then."
"I'm glad you think so Miss Woods." Lucy jumped, but Madeleine just grinned up at him. "Miss Jones, I assume you've been suffering from nightmares again?" She watched his face flicker with concern, but it was gone as fast as it had appeared.
"Yes Professor. I just wanted a moment outside to think."
Remus nodded, gesturing for the girls to start heading towards the castle, keeping a stride behind them, walking them as far as the common room, bidding them both goodnight, before turning on his heel and making his way back to his quarters.
Lucy frowned. "Does he usually just walk you back here?"
"No, usually we go to his office for tea. At the start I told him I just couldn't sleep, but I came clean about the nightmares and he promised not to ask about them unless I wanted to talk about them."
Lucy nodded. "Huh. He really goes above and beyond. For you." She shot Madeleine a knowing smile, but the expression was lost on Madeleine.
"What do you mean?" She watched Lucy's face falter, raising an eyebrow like Madeleine was missing some big obvious thing that was in front of her.
"Mads" Lucy huffed loudly, leading her in through the portrait and into the common room, sitting them both down on the couch. "You can't possibly miss the way he looks at you. He didn't have trouble sleeping tonight, merlin Mads, he looked so tired. He came looking for you. How often do you go to him at night?"
Madeleine shifted nervously in her seat, looking at Lucy, but never looking at her eyes. "Almost every night? The nightmares are bad. The tea and conversation soothes them away."
Lucy looked like someone had just slapped her. "You hang out with a fucking Professor every night! Merlin have mercy. Madeline. He's a fucking Professor you clown." Madeline didn't get it, and it was clear to Lucy by the way her face tilted slightly in confusion and her brows furrowed slightly. The woman hadn't a notion what she had been doing. But the innocence that seeped out of her took Lucy aback. "You really are just looking his company aren't you. He's helping you."
Madeline gave a soft nod, shrugging her shoulders. "If he wasn't, I wouldn't go back Lu." They say in silence at that, simply watching each other until finally Lucy broke the silence.
"I'm sorry for losing my shit, but surely you understand my ...hesitance, at finding that you run to Professor Lupin every night instead of shaking me awake."
Madeline understood. She had never thought of it like that, but she had a strange desire to be his friend. He always seemed so curled in on himself when he wondered around the castle, but so carefree when they conversed at night. Almost relaxed, but Madeline knew better than to say that. She looked to Lucy with a smile. "You think we're ready for bed?" Lucy gave an enthusiastic nod, taking Madeline's hand and leading them up to their room, both of them quickly pulling on their pyjamas and slipping under their sheets. She was thankful for Lucy, thankful of her input and her opinion. It wasn't long before she heard a soft whisper from the bed beside her.
"Just... Be careful Mads. Please."
Madeline didn't answer her. She didn't need to.