The Wolf and the Bastard - A Ramsay Bolton Fanfiction

Loyalty

I watched the soldiers who were still busy with removing the corpses and the remaining banners. Soon there would be nothing left of House Bolton. Someone had given me a cup with a hot liquid in it but I hadn't drunk anything of it. It had gotten cold long ago. I felt so lost right now. It was like I didn't belong to anywhere anymore. Theon stepped beside me. I turned my head and our eyes met for a short moment. Then I stared forward again.
"Sansa told me that you don't want to talk to her."
"I don't want her to hate me", I replied.
"She would never hate you!", Theon claimed.
I only shrugged. There was nothing to answer to that. I knew what she thought about me. I still remembered her glare when I had cried over Ramsay because I had thought he had been dead already. But somehow Ramsay had survived Jons punches and they had locked him up in the kennels. I wasn't ready to meet him yet.
"Why didn't you leave with us that day?", Theon asked me then.
He was talking about the day I had pushed them off the wall to help them escape.
"I can't tell you..."
"Why not?"
"I don't want you to hate me."
Because he wouldn't understand. Like Sansa wouldn't.
"There is nothing you can do that would make me hate you."
I laughed bitterly.
"I did terrible things, Theon", I sighed.
I raised my head when I heard footsteps approaching. Jon was coming over to us. Theon didn't reply anything to my last statement. Instead he grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. Maybe I was wrong. Theon was the only person who might be able to understand me at least a little bit.
"If you need anything I'll be in the godswood."
He let go off my hand and left me alone with my brother. We stared at each other for a while. There was this pained expression on his face which let me feel miserable as well.
"Yara...", he started as if he was searching for the right words.
"Jon."
"You know, I heard you screaming out to me in the courtyard when I ..." He swallowed hardly. I glared down to his bruised knuckles. "But I couldn't stop. After all this things Sansa had told me I felt this rage inside of me ... You glared at me like I was about to kill your lover."
Well, in fact he almost did.
"You don't have to apologize to me, Jon. I know that Ramsay is a monster who deserve everything you did to him."
Hatred appeared in his eyes again. It was the same fury I had seen when he almost had killed Ramsay. I knew that the next words were not easy for him to speak.
"Did he abuse you like Sansa?"
"No", I answered honestly. "I know it is hard for you to understand but he never forced me to do anything. I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him."
There was a short moment of silence.
"I can't let him go, Yara."
"I know." I sighed . "But I want to see him one last time."
Jon looked at me like he didn't want to grant me my wish. But then he nodded slowly. I followed him across the courtyard over to the kennels. Sansa stood in front of the closed gate talking to someone inside. The expression on her face was as cold as ice. Her voice so emotionless it let me shiver slightly. She repelled him and I really couldn't blame her for that. When she heard us coming she stopped. Our eyes met and I saw how much my betrayal actually had hurt her. None of us said something when Jon opened the gate to let me in.
"There she is, my beloved wife", Ramsay greeted me smiling.
"Ramsay."
He looked terrible. He was tied to a chair with a rope wrapped around his body. No one had bothered to clean his bruised face from the blood. There had been so many things I had wanted to say to him. I had prepared so many questions but now my mind was almost blank. There was only one thing left I wanted to know.
"You never really loved me, did you?"
"But I do", he claimed. "That was the problem all along. It made me soft. You made me weak."
I only stared at him while I was trying to figure out if he was honest or not. I couldn't tell if he was playing mindgames again.
"What about you?", he asked me. "Do you love me, Yara?"
"No", I replied in a cold tone which let his lips turn up into this smug grin I once adored so much.
"You have always been such a terrible liar."
I smiled at him bitterly.
"There was a time where I actually thought we could have a future together. But after what you did to Rickon ... I don't think I could ever forgive you."
When I touched Ramsays face he grimaced even if I had been careful. I let my fingers wander over his bruises.
"You know that you won't leave this kennel alive."
I leaned forward, my lips only inches away from his ear. My next words were only meant for him.
"But I'll do my best to raise our son properly", I whispered. "I'll show him what it means to be a Bolton. Even if he had to grow up without his father."
A deeply satisfied smile appeared on his face.
"Loyalty beyond death", I assured him.
"You can't kill me", he reminded me.
"No. I can't. But your hounds will."
I made a step back. I whistled shortly to call out to my dog. Obediently she stepped beside me. She sniffed the air curiously and wanted to approach Ramsay. He flinched slightly when she wanted to lick his face.
"No", I commanded and she sat down next to me.
I bent down to place a light kiss on Ramsays lips. I felt a painful sting in my heart when I thought about that it would be our very last one.
"You'll never forget me", he promised. "I am a part of you now."
"Always", I agreed with him.
I left the kennel with my dog. She shouldn't be part of the things that were about to happen. Jon closed the gate behind me. I watched how the dogs stepped out of their cages. Ramsay tried to order his dogs to stay down. One of his hounds started to sniff his face. At first his voice was confident and strong. But then he began to shout in pure despair when he realized his hounds weren't as loyal as he had thought. I didn't stay to watch him being eaten alive.
Silent tears streamed down my face while I didn't turn around again. But soon they stopped when I heard Ramsay screaming in pain. My lips turned up into an evil smile. He had been wrong though. Even after all the things he had done I would have never left him. If Jon wouldn't have attacked Winterfell I would have stayed by his side. I was certain that no matter what they did I wouldn't be part of them again. Because I wasn't a Stark anymore.
I would always be a Bolton.