Just a jump into the stars...

Huge waves hit the crumbly rock beneath my feet. By now it should be twenty meters down into the deadly sea, into which one would fall if one dared to take a wrong step, took a wrong turn, or perhaps even intended to fall into the cold water and disappear forever into the inaccessible stars.Last year it was 18 meters, but again ten meters were sacrificed to the sea and had turned former habitat into simple dust in the water, dust that a person would never see again because no one voluntarily went so close to a cliff.
Last year it was 18 meters, but again ten meters were sacrificed to the sea and had turned the former habitat into simple dust in the water, dust that a person would never see again because no one voluntarily went so close to a cliff .
A cliff that could fall at any time and drag you into its depths, while your own black soul tried to save itself in the distant universes that had all emerged. A cliff that made any sane person flee inland and book a ticket for the recent Space Chase trips, a cliff that reminded us of what we could have prevented and what we were too comfortable to do.
But yes, that was normal. You either had the money for such a trip to venture into the galaxy or you didn't. Space Chase, extremely complicated spaceships that expose the effects of countless galaxies and let a person survive the eternally long journeys, so that it just felt like minutes. And then you were on a new planet. Just like we always did. We ignored the problems and looked for new places to spread them there and then to destroy them as well. It really happened. And since the planet was more sensitive than our current earth, it fell victim to the whole thing even faster. Nevertheless, the chases through space continued. Chases because you had to chase the planet and no planet had a permanent place. When the earth lost its place in the solar system, so did the other planets and at some point every universe was upside down.
But that was the world in 2102. You had gotten used to all the atrocities, most people had grown up with them, you didn't know anything else. The only thing to do was to survive. And that's best done at night, during the day it was too hot and at night there was a huge drop in temperature. Up until now no one had really been able to explain how this came about; all great scientists still alive were faced with a riddle.

You got used to such a messed up life, it really worked. I had even learned to love it and yet hope had been destroyed. Hope was one of the greatest enemies you could have, if you trusted it once, you trusted it again and again. You could tell yourself as often as possible that you wouldn't fall for her anymore, and yet you kept falling into the feeling. I was too, again, unfortunately. The stupid thing was that hope didn't face me, no. She did it in the form of a person I couldn't refuse, who I may long have trusted and just had never given the chance to save me. It had happened that way six months ago, and so it would probably repeat itself.

There was this party, a girl from my district had celebrated. It hadn't been anything big, maybe twenty people, and yet he was there. I had only met him there, a funny boy, a few months younger than me, from a neighboring village visiting his aunt, the mother of the girl who had celebrated the party. We had hardly talked, only inconsequential things, but still we hung on each other like two drowning people on a driftwood. We hadn't been clutching each other now, but we hadn't let go of each other and had started talking again and again. As I said, nothing special, just unnecessary stuff... And yet these small, fleeting conversations, all the looks and the instant knowledge of who was the partner in team games made me relive the fire of hope.

I've never been a stable person. I had always had deep and absent trains of thought, my thoughts, feelings and interests always went in a completely different direction than those of the norm. But who is still normal these days...

But at that moment I really hoped that they would get me out of these hollows. There weren't any holes yet. I was just absent, not suicidal. The exchange of numbers and the subsequent meetings with several friends helped me out again and again. It actually helped, I had never realized that. I always thought it was a bad lie that was used throughout the stories to spread such hope. For the first time we saw each other alone, then with friends again, then alone again. We had both and became friends. It even got to the point where he defended me in front of the assembled group, complimented me and wasn't ashamed that he was younger, which many refused to accept. And before I knew it, I fell in love with the blond boy from the neighboring village. Typical story, I never expected to see it myself and yet it happened. So often I had tried to suppress the joy that arose at a meeting, at some point I gave up. After all, it was my smile that I hid for a while when I finally saw him again. So many times I had imagined what something closer between us would look like, how I could get us there. Countless times I had stood in front of the mirror and practiced expressing myself without stuttering, just thinking about him. Stupid idea considering that I couldn't even make eye contact with my own mother. Let alone anyone else.