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DEREK MORGAN liked to take life one step at a time; living in the moment and never getting too close, because who knew what chaos his job would throw his way? He'd grown accustomed to a detached way of living, sharing smiles which never quite reached his eyes.
And then Astra Hart came along, shackled up in an interrogation room, dishevelled hair and a roughed-up McDonalds uniform — the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes upon.
He cursed himself as he sat before her, retorting with a snarky attitude, comparable only to her own, but no matter what, the confidence in her demeanour refused to falter. There was something about that he hated to admit he found himself liking.
He was going to hate her, he'd decided. She was the unredeemable getaway driver for the Black Wolves, and he was an FBI agent tasked with questioning her until she cracked under their pressure. But she never did. Everything went the way she'd wanted and he was complicit in her schemes. But at least he'd learnt one thing, she wasn't lost beyond repair.
Slowly, those words began to seep into his mind, a dangerous poison that gnawed at his inwards, contaminating him just a little more every time she made herself vulnerable, showed a new side to her twisted persona.
And those were exactly his thoughts as he sat on her couch, still replaying their kiss in his mind like a teenager, as she revealed her darkest secrets to him. "You know, when my grandpa got sick he gave me the number of some guy, saying I could make the money I needed for his treatment by being his private limo driver." Astra's eyes were what Derek Morgan found most captivating about her. The way that they bore into his own. He was well aware that he'd begun drowning in their ocean blue, but he figured that peacefully drifting into the abyss would be better than thrashing and fighting back against the perilous waves (because if their doom was inevitable, shouldn't he find comfort in their final moments alive?). "To be honest, I thought it was a little dodgy from the beginning. I mean, a private limo driver? Where would my grandpa meet a guy who was rich enough for one of them?"
Morgan's fingers traced careful circles across Astra's palm, his way of telling her that she was safe with him, he wouldn't tell anyone about her past, if that's what she wanted. "I never knew if he gave me over to Enzo on purpose, or not." Even in the most fragile moments between them, Astra refused to stray from the mission given by Kai. At least she could tell Morgan some twisted version of the truth. "Seems we'll never know." She added, almost bitterly.
Nodding cautiously, Morgan had come to realise through her half averted eyes and more than half meek tone that perhaps she'd never revealed this — never told anyone out loud before, maybe she'd never even said it to herself (because once she accepted her reality, it would contaminate her very existence). He was careful to respond in a way that showed her she had someone now. Someone who she could trust enough with even the darkest moments in her past, present and future. Because he couldn't see her leaving his life anytime soon. So, with that in mind, he asked, "do you blame him?"
Her body had shifted closer to him, legs crossed over his knees and the side of her face rested on his shoulder blade. She wished she could stay in that moment forever. Astra didn't want to leave. She just wanted to remain as she was, doing nothing but confiding in the only man she's sure she's ever really trusted. "Maybe," the admission had slipped her tongue before she'd really registered her words. "A couple of times I wondered if he knew what he was getting me into. But sometimes, really only every now and then, I felt like I needed to prove to him that I was worth the trouble he went to in picking me up from that hospital. I couldn't just let him die, and it was easy money, really." She paused before adding, "I guess it was all for nothing, in the end."
With his lips planting a gentle kiss against her hair, Derek mumbled, "You shouldn't have to prove that you're worthy of being loved."
"What about you, Derek?" Astra asked, and for the first time in her life, she felt genuinely curious to know more about a man sitting beside her. She cared enough to wonder about his life, his hopes and dreams. She wished that maybe there was a universe where she was a part of each and every one of them.
"What about me?"
Her chin was now on his shoulder blade, eyes gazing into his. Derek knew he was drowning, but he never felt the need to fight it. "Do you have any secrets worth my time?"
A moment of silence passed between them, neither uneasy, nor tense. It was simply a moment of gentle consideration. "Sometimes I wish I was eight again." Astra didn't push him to elaborate. There was something uncertain in his eyes, like he was about to cry, or maybe laugh. "Everything's easier when your family's around." He said no more, but she understood the feeling of loss well enough to comprehend the subtlety behind his words. She wondered who he'd lost, but she daren't ask, he was going to resent her enough as it was, she couldn't bare forcing him to reveal his past just for that person to disappear like the shadows of his memory, too.
"You're not forced to be anything when you're a child." She nodded, as if reminiscent of her innocence, wishing she'd cherished her goodness just a little closer to her heart. Astra couldn't remember a time when she felt proud of something she'd done.
"We're good people, Astra." He said, assuring himself or her, she wasn't sure, but all she could think was perhaps in another life.
"I know," she'd chosen to say, instead.
His eyes flickered down to her own, it was like he cold see right through her. Every imperfection, every secret, every hidden memory of a forgotten past. She decided in that moment that she hated the way he looked at her. All starry eyed, acting like she could do no wrong, like she was the victim of a cruel world. She wanted him to look at her like all the men had before — to hold something sinister behind a sweet gaze. It was the only way she could keep a distance, stop herself from falling into his grasp.
Derek Morgan really did love her eyes. So delicate and gentle, they weren't the eyes of a vicious, cold blooded criminal, but of Astra Hart, a misunderstood woman who deserved a second chance more than anyone in the world — she was proving that to everyone. It was truly a shame, that his own eyes had been the witnesses of cruelty far beyond what anyone should ever have to see. He was sure that whilst staring into his own, she thought the same thing, (if only he knew). But perhaps his eyes had become accustomed to witnessing far too much evil, for him to realise the sinister glint behind her own. . .
. . . after all, nothing was ever as simple as it seemed.
authors note. literally couldn't find the motivation to make the changes to part three but it's summer now and my writers block is finally gone!! hopefully the updated version of getaway car should be done by the end of june, but for now hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know your thoughts !!
