Subject R - ON HOLD

chapter 8

I stare down at my hands in mortification.

Why why why why why?! I'm screaming at myself. Why the hell did I just yell at Helena? Why? Why?!

Because she was being rude and deserved it, My subconscious supplies casually. Well, deserving or not, I have absolutely noooo right to snap back at her. It doesn't matter if I'm a human being who can exercise my right of the first amendment or that I am now a member of this team. She still outranks me! At least in my mind. She was apart of this team before me, and probably is trained for this kind of work.

There's also the fact that she's an intimidating bombshell of a woman with an obviously fierce attitude.

I can feel sweat beginning to pour down my back. My face had turned immediately white after I realized what I'd just done, but I can now feel it's temperature taking a quick upwards climb. It's awfully quiet in here, everyone probably still in shock from my outburst.

Well, I think, taking a nervous swallow. Might as well own up. I lift my head a little and make a quick scan of the room.

Helena looked astonished/aggravated. Much better than the Furious-Look-Of-Death look I imagined would be on her face. Christopher, Winter, Mrs.Feng, and Geoffry were all surprised, Joseph still looked shrewd, and strangest, Mr.McCaulty almost appeared delighted.

I blinked up at him in shock and he suddenly grinned back at me, chuckling a little. "Well Ms.Flanchard, that was quite honest of you." His eyes darted to Helena and back to me, and I followed his gaze. Oh shit. Furious-Look-Of-Death.

Immediately tearing away from Helena's livid glare, I looked to Geoffry and Mrs.Feng, looking for some kind of comfortable familiarity. Geoffry's expression was still surprised but he didn't look mad at me. Mrs.Feng actually looked a little disapproving and this had me drop my eyes in shame.

Dammit. I think, feeling humiliated again. I become apart of a research team and I'm already screwing it up! I figure now's probably the best time to own up. Through fear I make myself look at Helena, meet her blazing brown eyes. The old ire comes back a little, seeing her haughty posture, but I know that I have to apologize to get this past us.

"I'm sorry," I say, and see the relaxation in her eyebrows. But not in relief I don't think, it was more like satisfaction. She'd expected me to apologize. She was obviously insulted by my outburst, but had nonetheless predicted that she'd get submitted to anyways. Conniving bitch, I think, but continue.

"I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I...It..." My gaze dropped to the table because I had to get away from her piercing eyes to think. I felt truly lost trying to explain, because I'm still not even sure of how to talk about my experience. "It's still a touchy subject for me."

Looking back up at Helena, I could see the slightest tilt of sympathy in her eyes. Not a softening, but an understanding. She nodded. "Thank you. And I apologize for being so..." Snarky? Rude? Bitchy? "unfeeling." Close enough.

I nodded back at her, knowing that though she'd given me an understanding look, it didn't mean she liked me. I can still feel her animosity from across the table. I looked around at everyone else at the table. "I'm sorry to all of you guys too. I should...keep myself in control. I'll remember that for the future."

"Thank you, Cecily," Mrs.Feng said to me. Her words almost sounded like an admonishment to me, and I wondered where this different Mrs.Feng came from. And weirder is that Mr.McCaulty seemed to go from completely intimidating to friendly!

"It's quite alright," He said to me, giving me this toothy grin. "You're a greenhorn to this field entirely, of course it would be traumatic and a 'touchy subject'. I'd like to thank you for being honest and real," I saw his eyes slowly go over to Helena, who subtly bristled, "It's a rare trait in the Facility anymore."