paranoia || (troyler AU)

chapter 1

Troye's POV

It is fucking freezing. But, when is it not freezing? The Washington air hugs me, welcoming me into the arms of pure cold. I quickly head to my black Jeep, slamming myself in as quick as possible to avoid sudden rain. Turning on the heater, I rest my head on the steering wheel before driving off. It's the second week of school, and I'm still paranoid from the upcoming events that might not even happen, I don't have friends anyway.

"No friends; no problem," I mutter under my breath as I drive out of the Mellet driveway, and to the outlets.

On the way, I think about what my life would be like without the paranoia and anxiety. Would I love to fall in love? Would I be out of the closet? Probably not, our school is the most homophobic one out there. I'd probably have friends. But with the conditions I have, it makes me ill to my stomach to think about these things. Paranoia is a bitch; expecting something bad will happen at any second. Things never did, but there was one traumatic event that occurred in the seventh grade. It doesn't bother me much as it did these days, but it left it's mark on me.

To rid these thoughts, I turn the radio on. I hum along to Little Things, and I find it comforting. I've been singing since I was a child, for my family, but I completely stopped around middle school. This completely broke their hearts, but I don't think I could handle the pressure I'd developed. My parents always mentioned I'd be "something special", but I had never quite understood what they meant by it, that being said, I still don't.

Getting out of the car with a bit of trouble, I run into the nearest store I see to avoid more rain, threatening to ruin my outfit. Before I could open the doors though, I lost all balance, crashing onto the cement floor. Luckily my body saved my head from cracking, but I wish it did crack and killed me while my blood painted a dark red upon my cheeks. Did anyone see? Are there gonna be viral videos of me falling now? Who's around? The thoughts buzzed in my mind, making me look around swiftly before my paranoia caused me to scream. No one was around, thankfully, but my vision was blurred around the edges. I sat up, and eventually picked myself up and adjusted my glasses before something embarrassing could happen.

***
While looking through sweaters for winter, I held a dark blue one up to my torso in the full body mirror. Gosh, why am I so freaking skinny? I considered it for about two seconds, when I was tapped on the shoulder. I almost slapped the hand away, knowing I would do it to anyone anytime, but this time it wasn't bad in the slightest. Maybe I was just wrapped up in my thoughts, or too tired to give a shit. I whipped around, my eyes doubling in size at the sight.

"Hey, um, I'm letting you know that shirt compliments your eyes well. Have you considered contacts?" The boy with the dark blue hair stood in front of me, looking at me with what seemed to be anger in his eyes. He had sky blue eyes, with hints of green grass in them, surrounding them were black, thick framed glasses. He wore black jeans, black toms, and a green sweater to bring out the green in his eyes. We seemed to be matching, almost. I chuckled in amusement, shaking my head a little at the irony. Who's this guy and why haven't I met him?

"Laughing at me? How dare you?" he said, chuckling. His huge smile was so contagious I had to smile back.

"Nah, just thinking this is an ironic situation. We both wear glasses, have godly quiffs, and are wearing sweaters that compliment our eyes... Or at least I-I'm trying them-m on or whatever. Hey- why are you pissed? I didn't mean to offend..." I stuttered over my own words. Why am I so awkward? He's probably gonna hit me or something. This thought made me back away a little, but he followed by stepping closer to me. His eyes still darkened with anger, amongst a hint of admiration.

"Oh, well I'm not angry, you're mistaken," he hushed the last two words, seemingly to himself.

"What's your name, by the way?" he asked, eyes sizing up my body.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I answered eyeing him quizzically before grabbing my things and paying for them on the other side of the store. I moved quick so he lost me. My paranoia and nervousness would have been the death of me if I lingered longer, but his presence was appealing, I almost missed it, almost went back, wanting to hug the sad look off his face. If he was sad, why did he look like he was mad at me? They looked almost lustful, almost. He could've been angry, who would be lustful for me anyway? Considering half the school believes I'm too scrawny. I shook the thoughts away abruptly. On my way out with my new clothes, I remembered something. I didn't get his name. For some reason this really upset me, I'm determined to know why.

***

Tyler's POV

I watched the boy rush out of the store, he looked really flustered. But his expression changed really fast. He realized something, and his face dropped. I felt my heart twist at seeing his sad expression, but I felt as if I had no reason to be upset over it. He was beautiful, no doubt. So beautiful I felt my lower part of my stomach tingle, and I had trouble keeping my breath even. He deserved to know how gorgeous he was; a boy like that doesn't just exist and not be told. Not that he hasn't been told, he's probably told that all the time. As if he would care if I let him know.... He practically jumped away from me when I moved toward him. Is he even gay? Should I even care? I hardly got his name for christ's sake.

While I finished shopping, I couldn't get him out of my head. Gosh, he's so cute. The whole school already knows my sexuality, I'm bullied for it constantly every day, but I flaunt it because I don't have the disrespect for myself to hide who I am. It's only been like two weeks, but I'm surprised I haven't gotten beat up yet. Last year I was more on the chubby side, because of my eating disorder, which I also got teased for last year. So I spent the entire summer working out, and eating really healthy, but my gaydar was still fuming, which I liked a little too much. Did this boy even know I'm gay? He seems like he isn't into school gossip. I shake the thoughts out of my head and slide into my car. Before I shut the door though, I hear a group of kids approaching. Fucking awesome.

"Hey faggot, on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want a dick up your ass today?" A jock asked, directly at me. I was fucking pissed. I'm done getting teased for who I am. I jumped out of the car and slammed the door, hard, behind me.

He stuttered back, clearly surprised by my actions. I took a huge stride forward, but he stepped back. He wants a reaction? I'll giving him a fucking reaction.

"Trying to come on to me? Wow, you're more of a faggot then I thought," he sputtered. The whole group behind him laughed, like hyenas, sending my temper over the edge. My fist came in rough contact with his nose, I heard a cracking noise, and became unaware of my surroundings as I stepped onto his feet and shoved him backwards while he was distracted, him falling on his ass. The group look startled, but a blonde jacked boy tried to defend his friend, but I shoved him before he could touch me.

"I'm not a faggot you immature shits, I'm human," my voice came out quiet, but ferocious. My knuckles started to sting, so I jumped into my car after storming off, heading home. I gripped the steering wheel so hard, my knuckles turned white. So much for trying to mess with me. Lady Gaga came on the radio, but I shut it off. That wasn't a normal thing for me to do, but I wasn't in the mood to listen to "Born This Way" when all I could think about was today's events. Asshole, hostile jocks trying to pick a fight with me, getting new clothes, the boy trying on the blue sweater who I so badly wanted to take home with me and ravish him. The boy who was shy but- my thoughts were immediately cut off by the sound of a horn blaring my ears. I snapped my head up, seeing where the sound came from. The car suddenly swerved past me, that's when I noticed I was in the left lane. I tightened my grip on the wheel, moving back into the correct lane. My heart was beating so loud in my chest, I couldn't hear myself think, which was probably for the best because my thoughts were what got me in an almost accident in the first place.

Am I going to do this author's note thing? Yes I am. Well this is the first chapter of many, I have soooo many plans for this story and am ecstatic to share them with ya'll. I enjoy feedback so let me know what you think :)