I. HATE. CHOCOLATE! An Artemis Fowl Fanfic

A Forged Letter

*Please note that I created an address off of a real place in the US, so if it's an actual address, please tell me and I'll change it. Thank you!

"BUTLER?" Y/N and Artemis screamed simultaneously, startling the bodyguard. Butler, realizing he was caught chocolate-handed, immediately came up with an excuse.

"I was just making sure that this was indeed the type of chocolate Miss Y/N had earlier."

I never said it was a good one, he thought to himself, Like Artemis is going to buy that!

The boy mentioned crossed his arms across his chest. He scowled at his bodyguard, and then stormed upstairs shouting about how on Earth was he stuck with people like them.

"He handled that nicely," Butler commented.

"Nicely?" Y/N looked at the man as if he was crazy.

"Normally he would give you, or in this case me, a long lecture and so on," he explained.

Y/N facepalmed. Great. Not only was her adversary (oh, this was war) a brilliant child genius with an IQ of GOOGLEPLEX or something, but he was also a boring know-it-all. Great. Hermione Granger + teenage boy + much more cut- wait what?! No, no, no, no, she did NOT just think that Artemis Fowl the Second was cute! Impossible. Y/N shook her head as if to rid herself of the very thought. Then she remembered her forged letters! She pivoted, nearly ran out of the room, changed her mind, did a 180, and pointed at Butler.

"You," she said in all seriousness, "where are the envelopes?"

Confused, the man told her the truth, thinking that no harm could be done. "Umm, in the top middle section of the desk in the study."

"Where?" Y/N asked again, this time more impatiently.

"To the left of the main living room when you walk into the house!" Butler said exasperatedly.

"Thank you!" Y/N said with an impatient note to her voice. "And if anyone, aka Artemis, asks, THIS NEVER HAPPENED!" she whisper-shouted. Then, she ran off to find the envelopes.

On her way, though, she found several flaws in her plan. For starters, she would need the address of IFST, which was in America. Secondly, Y/N would somehow need to convince him that . . . well, no. She could leave a note saying that it was from her. But that still kept the problem of her being spotted getting an envelope. Since Artemis wasn't a strong runner - scratch that, isn't a runner, the conversation she had with Butler would most likely be kept a secret. Y/N could pretend that she was mailing some letters to her friends. Ok, it's a plan, the girl thought. Pretend that you're writing letters to your friends, go out, pretend that you found that in the mail which should've arrived by now, write a note, give it to Artemis. And if you can give it to him personally, don't use the note, and RUN AWAY AFAP (As fast as possible)! LET'S DO THIS!!!

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Artemis sat at his desk, fingertips pressed so hard against each other that the ends were white. He saw Y/N running through the hallway towards the study. He then reversed the film and he. Heard. Everything.

Well, well, Y/N, he thought, smirking at the look that would soon appear on Y/N's face as it had the face of every person who underestimated him. If I'm reading your body language correctly, you think you have beaten me. Don't assume things too quickly. I know I'll win. I always do.

He then picked up a small LEP communicator.

"Captain Short, I am in need of your assistance."