Decisions, Decisions.

Part 2

Kellin's P.O.V.:

It's been two whole months of hooking up with Austin. In class, it was hard to contain myself. Especially when he wore those da.mn see through white button ups..they really messed me up because his tattoos. Now, I know what you're thinking..my grade must be getting better...

But really, it hasn't. He keeps my school work and our..other work separate. Besides, I was an honor's student before I fu.cked him anyway.

While the s.ex was great...and everything was all wonderful...I couldn't help but feel like he had pushed me away. He hadn't had a full blown conversation with me for at least five weeks. It hurt because that's one of the main things that attracted me to him. He was so mature, caring, sweet, smart, kind...but all that had faded since we started hooking up. It left me feeling inadequate and used. I wanted the old Austin back.

Not to mention that photo, his background.

I couldn't get it out of my head that he could be cheating on someone with me. I don't think I could stomach that kind of guilt. I would never want to hurt someone else like that. Especially with someone who made me feel like nothing. Austin wasn't worth emotionally scarring someone.

I made my way throught the hallways, my mind full of thoughts and questions. Typically I tried to keep my mind free of him while I was at school, but today my conscience was feeling especially domineering. I adjusted my snapback, and pulled at my tank top in the mirror at school. Our school was really relaxed about the whole dress policy, because this was a "gifted" school, and I guess that gave us more credibility or some sh.it. I was honestly really relieved that summer was coming, even if it meant taking a break from Austin. To be honest, I probably needed it. My mind always felt bogged down when I thought of him. Maybe a break was what I needed. I sighed at my appearance before picking up my books and making my way to his classroom.

It was slightly chilly, and I found my desk, careful not to look at him. He was clicking away at his computer desk, waiting for the other quarter of my class to get there. He seemed distracted, which was okay with me. I don't think I could handle his attention right now.

I sat for a few more minutes contemplating the whole situation, staring off into space when he got started. "Alright class, today we start our research essay portion of the semester. So, up until finals we will be working on the different aspects of a research paper." he had captured my attention for a few moments before I went back to staring into space.

I broke out my sketchbook, and decided to sketch an adaptation of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. We had just finished going over the poetry section, and I couldn't get that one out of my head. It was probably my favorite, even surpassing the Westminster Bridge poem. I didn't really see how much time had passed, but the sketch had become a full length drawing.

"Kellin, could you put that away and please pay attention?" Austin's tone was annoyed, but his eyes were a little hurt. I couldn't help but feel slightly snubbed at his assertion of dominance, and rolled my eyes before putting the sketchbook away. Before, we both entertained banter during his lectures, and engaged in some serious questions. Now, he simply answered them or brushed them under the rug for "later class discussion." Even some of the other students had noticed. A couple had come up to me and asked if I'd done something to piss him off. At first I thought it was because he was nervous or shy...but at this point, I was just irritated and angry.

"How do you even manage to still sleep with him if he makes you feel this way?" you may ask. Well, amigos, he was still very sweet and convincing outside of school. He made me feel kind of special sometimes, and I couldn't help but give into him. He made me feel like maybe I was just imagining it. And I didn't have such heavy moods all the time, sometimes his behavior didn't bother me. Sometimes I just shrugged it off and went along with it. Usually when these kind of things happened he would take me out on a date or something and make it all blow over. Today, though, I wasn't going to give into that. I crossed my arms over my chest, leaned back and tried to figure out if Jenna McDougal had made her shirt, or bought it.