I've never noticed how clean hospitals smelled until now. It's a mixture of rubbing alcohol and medication. I've also never noticed how boring sitting in the waiting room is. My head was in my moms lap as I tried to sleep a little more since she woke me up from my nap. I was soon disrupted again when the nurse called my name. My mom and I walked with the nurse to our room and we waited some more. I ended falling asleep on the bed.
---
" Jo? Wake up, Jo." I was shook awake by the doctor.
"Sorry" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes trying to wake them up. The doctor chuckled.
"That's alright. We just gotta talk about some pretty sad news, ok?" He asked while sitting into his chair.
"I have cancer, don't I?"
The silence in the room answered my question.
---
I didn't cry when we found out. I cried when I didn't get the toy I wanted, but not when I found out I had cancer. I cried when I broke my arm and couldn't do gymnastics for two months, but not when I found out I had cancer.
As we pulled into our driveway, I noticed someone sitting on the steps. It was Benjamin. We pulled in and he stood up. My mom exited and walked into the house to tell my dad. I walked up to Benjamin.
"So?" He asked. Finally, right then and there, I cried. I collapsed into his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry, Jo. I'm so sorry."
"God stop it!" I pushed him away. "You're not sorry! You'd only be sorry if you understood what I was going through. I have cancer Benjamin. I could die. And you're only being nice to me because you feel bad. If I didn't have cancer, you would be ignoring me and making fun of me or-or I don't even know. But I do know that you're just bullshitting me. Just stop Ben!" With that, I ran.
---
I found an old bridge. It's moldy and made of wood. You could tell it was gonna break at anytime. It was surrounded by trees and was over a small creek. I was standing on it, leaning on the rail, listening to the sound of crickets chirping and frogs croaking. A different sound broke the peace.
"You called me Ben."
I already knew it was Benjamin.
"That doesn't mean anything." I muttered. The bridge creaked signaling that Benjamin was standing on it as well. He walked over and stood behind me.
"Yes it does." He said. He grabbed my waist and turned me around. "I never meant any of those things I said to you. I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just nervous."
"Why nervous? What about me makes you nervous?" I asked , turning back around.
"To be honest, I thought you were pretty hot."
"Subtle."
Benjamin came up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I pushed him off.
"Just stop, ok? I don't need your pity."
He sighed and moves to the side of me.
"You played good today." He said.
"I still haven't hit a ball over the fence."
"Good. If you did we wouldn't be able to play."
I chuckled at his response. I looked down at the water. The light of the stars reflected on the water.
"I'm gonna die." I said.
"Don't say that. You are not going to die." Benjamin replied while putting an arm around my upper back.
"Yeah I am. My cancer is stage 3A. That's bad. I could be gone by next year."
"Shut up!" Ben yelled. I startled me and made me jump. He could tell I was scared and softened his voice.
"I don't want you to be saying that stuff. It scares me just as much as it does you."
"I'm never gonna get married." I say, my voice cracking. "I'm never gonna have kids. I'm never gonna get a job, have a career."
"Stop."
"I'm never gonna have my first kiss."
Benjamin chuckles.
"I can help you with that situation."
"Dude."
"I'm serious."
A silence fell over us. Ben grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. His eyes looked soft and warm. He didn't let go my shoulders.
"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice soft.
He leaned in. It was a strange feeling. One that I didn't quite understand. But, I was certain that it was one I liked. Ben pulled away first.
"There." He said. "Now you've had your first kiss." His hands were still on my shoulders. They slowly moved to my back and shoulder blades. He pulled me into a hug. My arms wrapped around his hips.
"Thank you." I said quietly. He kissed the top of my head.
"Yeah."
