Adagio

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based on  Samuel Barber's Adagio for strings + two bucky/nat quotes that I don't own


"You should find a new secret place for your diary, miss."

The repairer's voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up at him and frowned as he waved a small book in the air.

"I don't have a diary." You extended a hand in his direction and took the book.

"Well, it's what was blocking the vents. Should work now." He closed the vent grill and climbed off the chair.

All your attention was focused on the small leather-bound book in your hands. You didn't flinch when the repairer announced his ridiculously high price, you only made a noise of agreement and walked him back to the front door without taking your eyes off the book.

Once he was gone, you walked over to the kitchen and put the book on the counter. Carefully, you opened it to a random page.

Cursive letters, clear handwriting, nice loops, a bit in italics. You would recognise Bucky's handwriting anywhere.

Panic spread through you like poison. Bucky left you 92 days ago. 3 months. You knew because, despite yourself, you counted, like some kind of addict who would always remember the last time they got their fix.

You knew it wasn't right to read his most intimate thoughts. But he left without saying a word and you had the right to know what happened.

It's a strange feeling. I know I'm at home, I'm fine and surrounded by people who want nothing but my happiness, but I feel hollow. Outside, everything is different, yet oddly familiar. The world changed, but it's still the same old shit. There's a voice inside me that screams 'run away, they'll find you.' I don't even know what I'm afraid of, I just know I have to keep moving.

According to the date, Bucky wrote that a month before you met. You turned a few pages and came to the day you met.

I met a woman today. I'm not sure met is the right word, I only held the door for her. She rewarded me with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Think I might have stared at her a little too long after that. She ordered a cup of coffee and left as fast as she arrived. I was still holding the door... like a buffoon. Maybe she was just a dream, but damn she was a pretty dream.

You chuckled to yourself, remembering how Bucky's jaw fell open when he saw you. You flipped through some pages, and found the entry from your first anniversary.

I never wanted to kill anyone. I was forced and I know that, but it happened and I have to live with it. I had to build myself from scratch. New personality, new thoughts, new dreams... But despite everything, I consider myself a lucky man. My girl, my best girl, the reason why I'm trying to put this behind me. She makes me remember what it's like to feel human again. She amazes me.

Your stomach looped into knots, you had no idea how much he needed you. Flipping through more pages, you tried to find the reason why Bucky left. You read the last page, the date at the top of the page was the day he broke up with you.

All I've ever brought her is pain and worry. She's scared. I can see it when she thinks I'm not looking at her. But I'm always looking at her. I don't know if she's afraid of me, of the things I could do to her if my brain snapped or if she's afraid HYDRA's going to find me again. I love her, but she's better off without me.

You pulled out a note stuck between the last page and the cover. It was the note he never gave you.

My little doll,

Bucky Barnes One ShotsWhere stories live. Discover now