What If : The Story Retold

Accepting and Advancing.

Leia sat alone in the cockpit with nothing but her thoughts to occupy her mind. After promptly ditching Han in the corridor after the kiss, she had made her way to the cockpit for solace. She had made a vague muttering about wanting to meditate so she had dimmed the lights and sat herself down but as much as she tried, she couldn't drain her mind of thought.

She ran through every technique for meditation she had been taught but each one just lead back to thinking about the kiss she had shared with Han. After about an hour of forcing herself to meditate, she slumped in her chair with an exasperated sigh as she gave up trying.

No longer putting up a fight, Leia let her emotions come to the surface, if only so she could process them properly before burying them again. With her head propped up in her hands, she sat there in the dark, silently arguing with herself over what to feel over what she had just experienced.

Leia had been ignoring her growing feelings for Han for many reasons most of which equated to her lack of understanding of her own emotions. She couldn't deny he was attractive and was surprisingly clever for someone of his background, but there was so much more to him which Leia chose to ignore until now. Ever the professional, Leia wasn't usually one to let her personal feelings take priority over her duty and for many, that seemed like a good quality to have but that only meant that in moments like these when she let go, she didn't know how to process her emotions properly.

She had friends and family back home of course, and she loved them dearly and there were rare occasions when she would allow herself to relax with them but for Han it was different. Only her parents and brother truly knew what Leia was like with her mental barriers down but that trust had been there's since she was little, and now the prospect of letting someone else in scared her.

As much as her logical mind wanted to take over, dismiss her affection for the ex-smuggler, her instincts told her otherwise as she looked to the force for guidance. Her father had always pressed the importance of following the will of the force, even of that meant breaking rules; he said that despite the code forbidding him, he had married Padmé out of love, not duty.

Though Han was seemingly an arrogant, smug man at first, she soon learned his sincere and genuine side which he had shown during the Battle of Concordia. He would always call her your 'worship' or sometimes 'highness' on account of her Jedi status and despite it initially being used to tease her like a silly pet name, she knew that at certain times, he genuinely used those nicknames as a sign of admiration.

Han had built himself a small but commendable reputation in the three years of service as a General of the Republic. Those who worked with him saw his charm and charisma that came with being an ex-criminal but they also saw the courage and determination he held towards the Republic cause. But not many got to see his softer side. He was kind, sarcastic but sometimes funny and most surprisingly, he could act very honourably when it came to serious matters.

During the kiss they had shared, Leia saw how much he respected her; she could tell he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he had been almost hesitant at first and gave her plenty of time to back out of it. If Leia had chosen to push him away, though she was sure Han would hurt from the rejection, she knew him well enough to know he would respect whatever decision she made even if he didn't like it.

But nonetheless, she had kissed him. It had been brief but it felt longer as years worth of emotions flooded to the surface. His lips are soft against hers and his arms around her waist had made her felt safe for the first time in years. She had never felt so emotionally light in all her life, or at least for as long as she could remember.

She was drawn out of her deep thought by the impact of another bombing run, this one too close for her likely. The whole ground shook violently but unlike the other times, it didn't seem to stop. Just as she assumed it would begin to settle, there came a booming sound, like rock splitting down the middle.