Red Volkswagen || h.s.

A Place In This World

❀◦❀◦❀◦❀◦❀◦❀

i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve

❀◦❀◦❀◦❀◦❀◦❀

BROOKLYN'S POV

It's so mind-bending looking around at a completely empty stadium that holds eighty thousand people, knowing that in just a few short hours, every single seat will be occupied by an eager fan ready to sing and cry their heart out.

I've always been backstage or in a box that's relatively close to the stage, so I've never had this kind of view before. A view from the last row of the tallest section of seats that allows me to see the entire stadium around me, the stage sitting what seems like a mile away and a mile below me.

The boys' voices echo through the microphones as they move about the stage, looking like tiny specks from where I am. They've been doing soundcheck for about half an hour now, and I've been watching from up here for about ten minutes. I just got here from the hotel and came straight out to the arena instead of going to the green room, deciding to take the elevator all the way to the top to check out the view.

We're in Dallas, Texas, at AT&T Stadium. We arrived last night, and I was so tired that I fell asleep about ten minutes after we got to our hotel rooms.

I'm always tired lately. I feel like I barely get any sleep these days.

It's been a week since we were in St. Louis, and since then we've hit Chicago, Illinois; Detroit, Michigan; and Charlotte, North Carolina. We drove from St. Louis to Chicago and from Chicago to Detroit, then we hopped on a plane from Detroit to Charlotte and from Charlotte to Dallas.

My sleep schedule is so fucked up because of it and my body's definitely taking the hit, currently.

Along with the ridiculous travel schedule and the lack of sleep, this past week since St. Louis has been...weird. I don't know, everything has just felt kind of...off.

As if I didn't see Harry not a lot before, it's felt like that has gotten worse in the past week. The boys have had what feels like twice as many meetings, or writing sessions, or endorsements to film, or whatever else.

I think that's part of the reason my sleep schedule is so fucked up right now. The only times I catch with Harry lately are either a few minutes before a show, and then later that night when we're going to bed and we talk until we fall asleep, which is never that long to begin with because we're so exhausted.

The boys have had to go out after shows three times in the last week, and I only joined them once. I was technically 'encouraged' to go by one of the managers because there would be paparazzi, and that meant pictures of Harry and I and that means people will talk, and when people talk the band gets attention.

It's all very organized.

That night was kind of weird for me. I didn't really want to be dressed up and drinking that night anyway, so I was already in a very bleh mood to begin with. Harry seemed like he was having fun though, so I sucked it up and forced myself to try to have fun for a few hours. That was in Chicago, the first night they performed there.

The second night they went out again, but I didn't. I was so tired I physically couldn't stay up for that long; I barely even made it through the show. I had to leave backstage and go back to the green room about two-thirds of the way through the setlist because I was getting a headache. I went to bed before Harry got back that night and I didn't wake up when he came back, because when I actually did wake up the next morning, he was gone again like he is most mornings.