Again and Again (BakuDeku)

Chapter Three

       An eternity. That's exactly how long Katsuki's been standing in front of Izuku's door, arm raised and poised to knock. Three little taps. That was all he had to do, just knock once, twice, three times, yet that seemed impossible. It was pathetic, the way he was so afraid of a single slab of wood. Inko was bustling around the kitchen, though he knew she was paying close attention to the way he hesitated. One would think a ferocious monster was waiting on the other side of the door, ready to swallow Katsuki whole and erase him from existence.

       But it was Izuku, warm, kind, soft Izuku, and that made it all so much worse.

       Quit being a coward. He chided himself. Just do it, get it all over with. Katsuki sucked in a deep breath, held it, steeled his nerves, and let it out. He couldn't avoid it forever. He couldn't avoid Izuku forever. At some point or another, whether it be at school or in the living room of Inko's apartment on the off chance she still wanted him to come by, Katsuki would have to make eye-contact with Izuku and the elephant in the room would get too big or either of them to ignore.

       He knocked. Three, quick little raps and nothing more; it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, only for an even heavier weight to settle on his shoulders. Now there was no going back. He couldn't run away now—his fate was sealed. He sat there in pained silence. Was Inko wrong? Did Izuku want him to go away so he was going to pretend he wasn't there in hopes that Katsuki would leave him alone and never talk to him again?

       He wasn't able to dwell on it too much when the door swung open and Katsuki was greeted by Izuku's smiling face.

       "Kacchan!" He sounded so horribly happy that Katsuki wanted to bash his head into the nearest wall. His green eyes were bright and merry, like two twinkling Christmas lights. "I didn't expect you to come by, is your mom okay with you being here during your dad's party?"

       "Dad said he was fine with it." Katsuki didn't want to think about what Mitsuki must look like right now.

       "Oh, well, now that you're here, come on." Izuku wrapped his spindly fingers around Katsuki's wrist and tugged him past the threshold with a strength he wasn't ready for. He stumbled into Izuku's room, only to find there wasn't nearly as much All Might memorabilia as he'd expected. There were a few posters tacked up on the wall, a single action figure on his desk that was impossible to find now, but not really anything else. Katsuki made a surprised noise in the back of his throat that Izuku didn't hear.

       He opened up a notebook on his desk and began flipping through the pages. "I was thinking about my Quirk a lot while I was gone. I wanted to write it all down, but I wasn't allowed to have any pens or pencils, so I just had to write it all down when I got back." Nervously, Katsuki stepped forward, leaving plenty of space between them. "I was thinking about seeing if my Quirk goes behind just my inability to die, like, would it heal any injuries I have? How long would it take to heal my injuries? How long is the time span between me dying and when I wake up again?"

       Something didn't sit right with Katsuki. Izuku seemed too happy. He knew that even when Katsuki had only seen him six times, Izuku had spent six weeks getting himself right; it was just hard to see the immediate change when Katsuki wasn't there the entire time to see it. He felt he was missing out in a way, not getting to see Izuku go from someone wanting to die to someone who wanted to find out why he couldn't die.

       It scared him a little bit. Izuku was always inquisitive, always wanting to know everything, and that part was fine; Katsuki wanted him to be inquisitive—but just over a month ago Izuku had tried to take his own life. Katsuki couldn't deny that this sense of curiosity scared him a little bit.